Panel B

Hi, I’m in London at the mo, need 2 speak 2 u urgently (need a favour) can u call me on 00 44 20 79304832 battery low ask for Elizabeth she will pass u 2 me.

So I rung the number. Sis’s friend Emer knows I work in directory enquiries for the UK, she must need a number quickly and in a remarkable but quite believable piece of quick thinking, texted me from her dying phone with the above message. She’s staying with her sister in a friend’s flat, all I do is call the friend (Elizabeth) and she’ll pass me on to Emer.

I dialled the number, slowly and carefully. It was answered very promptly by a muffled female voice. I didn’t understand, so I just said “can I speak to Elizabeth please?” Immediately the line went dead. Feck, cross-channel lines must be acting up or summat. So I tried again. “Can I speak to Elizabeth please?” Damn! It was like I was calling from a payphone and the money didn’t go through. I got even more frustrated and spoke louder, but again I was hung up on. I looked at the clock, I needed to go now. One more go; Emer hardly ever texts me so it must be fairly urgent. For some reason, the line was clearer this time and I heard what the muffled female voice was saying at the start of each call.

“Buckingham Palace”

“Can I speak to Eliz……oh, sorry!”

I hung up in utter disgust with myself for falling for such an old, old joke. I was late for my feedback session; I had only taken out my phone to switch it off before going in and saw there was a text on it. I ran downstairs and into the room with the Training manager and his deputy.

Manager addressed me in his denim shirt and denim…..jeans.

“We have two panels, Joe. I’m alright calling you Joe, amn’t I?”

The Joe/Joseph debate hasn’t ended in my head yet, so his guess is as good as mine

“Two panels, and one panel we feel can start straight away. The other panel, panel B I suppose you could call it, is just about *makes “just about” hand gesture”* there but not just quite ready yet.” Which panel do you think you’re on, Joe?”

“B”

Yes Joe/Joseph, that’s right!!! Congratulations!!! Suddenly a huge flashing background with the words “PANEL B” emblazoned across rolled across the room, pushed by two scantily-clad young hostesses recently made redundant from Wheel of Fortune due to John Leslie’s…difficulties. An incessant “ding-ding-ding-ding-ding” drone filled the room and confetti fell onto the ground. I looked at the floor. Nothing.

I expected it. Towards the end, yeah. I mean, fair enough; I’m in the job two and a half years, but that doesn’t give me the undeniable right to a promotion. I didn’t have any experience in a supervisory capacity at all, so how could I expect a job as a trainer?

Only now I have experience. I’ve spent a week being boss of my team, and ultimately it was great. Actually, I really liked it. I think it could improve me as a person. I mean, there’s three things I never do. One; I never volunteer. Laziness, fear, I don’t know, but I just never put my hand up. Two; I never organise anything, especially when no-one else is. I’d never take a notion of going out and calling round to see who’ll go out with me. And three; the biggy. I’m never in charge. Ever. I just never see myself as someone responsible, someone who can lead. But this week, I did. I took problem calls, dealt with emails, organised time off for everyone, got people doing overtime, organised special health and safety-compliant mugs for everyone and collected €3 for each one, did everyone’s wages and it all worked out. They all told me I did a good job, and I’m in shock. Praise from peers. Who cares about the training job? I’ve been told by people I work with, people at the same level as me, tat when I rose up one level for a week, I did a good job. I never stopped asking, walking, emailing, photocopying, talking, phoning and walking again. I got fulfilled. This past week could have been a turning point. One week and I sort out holidays, parking passes, absences, days off, overtime, everything as good as my boss. I’m quite chuffed. There were problems, hiccups, of course. But all in all, I’m glad I didn’t get the training job straight away. I think I’d rather take the scenic route.

j