Without mentioning her

The following entry will not mention the following phrases: “Catherine”, “love”, “courgettes” or “I want to move to Cork”.

The next entry will.

Hello, my petit fromages. Today I’m going to talk to you about everything else in the world. For example, The Spire of Dublin; a gigantic spike sticking out of the centre of Ireland’s capital. On paper, a momentously daft idea, conceived at the height of our late 90’s booming economy, to give Dublin some kind of memorable landmark. This being Ireland, nothing went to plan. It took ages to decide what to build, more time to discover who’d build it, the builders went on strike, the deadline of 1 January 2000 came and went, the street was dug up and they found a 19th century box of….stuff that provoked a little bit of non-interest. Then they found someone to finish off building the Spike (as it’s affectionately known as), polished it in Dungarvan by firing steel balls at it for three months solid (?) and finally last week they brought the first of seven sections up to Dublin and shtuck it up there, beside the General Post Office. And everyone gasped.

For the GPO is quite big as Dublin buildings go. This…. this pole beside it is now the height of it, if not higher. And it’s going to be seven times that height. And folk are gasping as we all try and conceive this in our heads, usually by wandering in front of a 46X bus. Dublin doesn’t have skyscrapers; it’s a pretty low city as they go. Skyscrapers are effectively banned, as it’s an old town and not into this new crap. The multi-million euro Westin Hotel Dublin only went ahead when they promised to knock down the building there already and build a new one behind the old façade. As in…they held up the front and knocked down the back. Madness, yes, but it’s how it’s done and that’s that. Skyscrapers, or indeed anything tall is shunned by the City Council, which may explain why Dublin is so spread out that the Greater Dublin Area is the same size as Los Angeles, despite having only a tenth of the population. Plonking a huuuuge spike in the centre of town, with this big light at the top is quite a bold idea. Bold in an artistic sense, now, not a spilt-Fanta-on-a-white-carpet kinda way. So now it might not be so daft.

Personally, I’ve always liked the idea. Almost as much as the euro. I mean, it’ll give those disappointed tourists something to look at and….dammit, we need something big, silly and expensive to symbolise the time when we became big, silly and expensive. It’ll be inspirational, it’ll heighten the standards of architecture on what used to be one of Europe’s great thoroughfares and, quite frankly, I think it’ll look cool. So now.

In other news, George W(aiting To Blow Shit Up) Bush has been polishing his guns lately and looks like he’ll send the population of Limerick up the Gulf to overthrow Moustachioed Dictator Saddam Hussein. Bearded Dictator Fidel Castro and Asian Dictator Kim Jong Il are safe for now, since neither have oil. Smiley But Greasy Tony Blair will help if his tanks can drive through sand and Just For Men Fan Gerhard Schroeder will look on in bemusement. The world will still spin, shopping centres openings will still have “face-painting” and the scum of the earth will continue to pointlessly switch off the power switch for hand-dryers. The question is; will Sky News reports begin with “The Second Gulf War Is Brought To You By Vodafone” and show a short, light-hearted montage of coalition troops sending their sweethearts photos of themselves standing in what’s left of Basra through their Sharp GX10s.

Remains to be seen. And finally tonight, some questions. Is Johnny Vegas really alcoholic and bitter, ironically drinking bitter to become more alcoholic? Could I eat my sister’s banoffi while staying true to my banana-hating practices? Is 23 December too late to send Christmas cards, and if it is doesn’t it make more sense to receive a Christmas card during the season of Christmas rather than beforehand? Can I write an entry without mentioning the wonderful, incredibly beautiful Catherine? The answer is NOOOO! And that’s why a soppy entry is coming.

*snigger*

j