i’d like to believe good things but i know better

 When I meet a person for the first time, I’d like to believe that we’re going to be friends, and a special part of my heart breaks when I realize that they don’t feel the same way.

How I love to run into a kindred spirit in life. How I love even more to run into someone who isn’t! The person different from me teaches me much more than the person similar, and that makes me want to know them even more.

I’d like to believe that the lives of other people aren’t as glutted with drama and angst and poverty as mine is. I like entertaining that hope because it helps me to make believe that one day my life will be "normal". Of course, I know this to be an utter falsehood, but the difference between my tribulation and another person’s is mine is always obvious. That’s me with the relatives that get sick in the middle of a meeting or have a panic attack during a dinner party. That’s me with my thumb stuck out on the side of the road because my feet ache and I don’t even have the change for the bus. That’s me with friends and boyfriends that just suddenly disappear with not even lame excuses, or a shadow of a goodbye. 

That’s me, with my guts all hanging out, where everyone else keeps theirs zipped up inside.

I’d like to believe that the people in my life actually enjoy my company and accept me as I am. 

I still can’t shake the feeling that they secretly pity me and that’s why they stick around.