Better

Fever free now for 2 weeks so I am well enough for the first round of immunizations.  The doctor is concerned that I might get pneumonia while my immune system is so low and like Jim Henson, it might just kill me before I realize how sick I am.

I have 3 more medical tests to complete and then I get all the results back.  With the findings, they plan on getting my hormones in line, and with luck, my gut calmed down.  Supposedly – once they get my endocrine system balanced, I will lose a bunch of weight naturally.  I am looking forward to that.  I know something is wonky as I have eaten low fat vegan – with no cheating – for 8 months and haven’t lost a pound.  I went to the Biggest Loser Resort and didn’t lose weight.  They are sure it’s something medical – so we just need to figure it out. 

Meanwhile – I flew to a conference this week and met Brene Brown.  She’s the TED talk lady that I admire so much and does the work on authenticity, vulnerability, and shame – and she did not disappoint.  I mean – every time I hear her I get something I need right then.

I got to see Amanda but she wasn’t long out of bed and was grumpy.  She knew I was coming and didn’t get up.  Then once she got up she was cranky and I left shortly afterward.  You know, I sure seem to miss them a hell of a lot more than anyone misses me.

What’s wrong with that picture?

I guess I need to do some more letting go.

I just get so lonely.  I am talking to the god damned cat these days like a crazy old cat-lady – just to have someone to talk to.

I am going out and doing stuff – it’s just shallow, though.  I will keep trying.  Fall is ending and the gray will settle in soon.  I’d better get my mind right or it may be one long ass winter.