I know

Autumnal rains bring a slow golden Sunday to the new house. 

Braless, I unpack, singing along to my Sexytime Radio on Pandora and drink cup after cup of dark, rich coffee.   Even the gray light is enough once the walls of boxes come down, but I mount the Alaska Light on the wall in the office and turn it on, just in case.

FizGig moves from soft place to soft place on fuzzy feet, sliding a bit on the shiny oak floors…but doesn’t complain as she once did in the apartment.

Bill Withers serenades me true and strong just as I get to the box of the Professor and I in the only wedding photos I’ve ever had made.  "Ain’t no sunshine" resonates in the hollow of my heart and, weeping fresh, I sing out,  "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know"…with Bill.  When the song ends, I place the frames in the spare room dresser drawer…and it is enough.   It didn’t last – and it didn’t work, but it was the best relationship I have had to date.  Because of him I am stronger and wiser – and grateful to have felt the love that warmed my heart to the cellular center of me.  Those photos captured my bliss on the happiest day of my life.  It’s great to see.

Ah well, I am single and 51.  This birthday I will outlive my father. 

I may never find love – I may…I hold out hope and put my honest intention into the Universe and live my life now as happily as I can.  Either way – I am ok.  I know I am.  I know. I know.  I know.  I know…

Now – Back to the boxes.