a date..

Wow, to say the least Im going to do something I havent really done in a long time… Go on a real normal date. Have an interest in someone not online. I do feel as if Im betraying Jordan a bit, because I still feel deeply for him, but I am excited about the chance to go out with Brandon. I have been debating on calling him but at the advice of a few friends I picked up and called him. It was a good thing I did because he did not get any but one of my three pages over the last week.

So tomorrow, dinner and a movie… with someone Im extremely interested in knowing. We talked today while I was in the house for only an hour. I was in between my Dr’s appointment with my psychatrist and my class. Only had an hour at home, and instead of calling my mom and catching up with her I decided to chance it and call Brandon. My luck was good and he was home. We talked about how a friend of his invited him to this toy design studio. One of the things Brandon is thinking of as a career is toy design, that or teaching Kindergarten. He likes kids.. that or the ever ending kid inside… He doesnt seem that type but you can never know until you spend time with a person.

So I met my new therapist today and I think that is going to be a good thing for me. He seems the type to be actively involved in getting me used to being bi-polar and how to live with it. Which is what I really need in a therapist. He specializes in bi-polar and I think he understands the nature of the disorder better than my previous therapist who seemd to drop me since I moved back to the Los Angeles area. Its hard though opening up to yet another person, to tell people things that are private all over again. To explain my feelings on things like my relationship with my dad, Byron, Jordan… My fear of money… the fear of death.. the fear of being alone. ITs hard just to trust yet another person.. espeically when my last therapist stopped seeing me. And Im suppose to be able to trust all over again, how insane is this. Maybe I shouldnt have chosen a male therapist, I do have major issues trusting them… But Im not comfortable with a female therapist because of some issues I have, I dont want to feel like Im being judged.

Class went well tonight, I made the effort to introduce myself to one of the girls to get to know people… It wasnt as hard as I thought it would be, nor did I feel she didnt want me to say hello. Something I always feel when I approach people to make friends. As if Im annoying them or something, but it was easy and I figure she’s going to be one of the more active participants in the class, the more agressive type person, the one that people follow… GOod choice to say hello early on to her other wise I’d seem as if Im trying to be friendly just cuz she’s “Cool”. There is another girl I think Im going to say hello to next week if given the chance, Jessica, the more studious type but we’ll see. Its hard because even though its a night class most the students are the 18 -21 age group.

Well it seems Im running out of things to say and I have two essays due tomorrow… Wow homework.. Never thought I’d actually like the idea of getting to have homework. Age does strange things to you doesnt it?