Crazy dreams

Woke up from the strangest dream I think I’ve ever had. Way way back towards the begining of this OD I had a reader who I knew outside of OD, her online name was Sri. Now I’ve not thought about this person since my NWT days, and find it odd she was in my dream. I was on a ledge of a very tall mountain, I had my laptop and was talking to her, asking how she was, if she was still writing etc. I realized I was on this ledge and that I was laying down so I was “safe” from falling, and as we talked something in the dream changed and I had to Climb my way back up. By the time this was going on Sri was there in person and at the top of the mountain. We continue talking as I climb finding these weird hand holds to pull myself up.

I do this and then we start to walk down the path.

Now mind you I was never good friends with Sri, at best we agreed not to hate each other, and we both enjoyed each other’s writing. I have no idea where this dream came from as I’ve not thought about her or anyone from NWT except those I was super close friends with.

I’ve not heard from Joey in far to long. I know last time I mentioned him I was going to write him and see how he was, but I never got around to it. Horrid of me.

***

Im having trouble controlling my money spending urges. This is something I don’t get about my disorder at all. It only brings me stress later and that only begins the whole cycle. Now I really do need to keep track of how I feel so I know if the money spending urge is for when Im manic or when Im depressive. Right now its hard to say how I feel, because I’ve got this bugger cold.

I’ve stopped school again, I fell out back in the last term and missed the summer term, which should be coming to an end soon, which means I really need to call school and get back into it. I can’t just keep wracking up student loans and not ever get anything freakin accomplished. I know it would be easier if I could take one class at a time, but I wouldn’t qualify for a student loan then. Maybe if I get this new position at work that would give me longer seasons I can pay for it myself (Crazy I know as it’s about $1000 every ten weeks for one class). But if Im working longer season’s Im making more money and would be well worth taking classes at my own pace. I do enjoy the field of study I went into so I probably should really go back.

I hate that I do this…

Started thinking of the past again last night, which irks me. I was thinking of Jason. Yea, Jason of all people. I remember the first time he took me out, was a AWESOME date, and I can’t remember for the life of me why I never decided to do anything but stay friends with him. I think it had to do with my choice of friends at the time. Sadly enough those girls were like the worst influence on me. Damn even Gina and that crew from freshman year never got me to do the stupid things Tye and Amerah did. What I became a weaker person after I graduated. blah.

I don’t know why I get on past dwelling but it really gives me a hard time falling asleep, so I went to bed at freaking 230 am and was up before 7am. That is not a good sign, it likely means I’m either getting depressed or hopefully just means my cold has messed with my sleeping pattern and the day time medicine (as its the only one I have right now) is not letting me sleep for long periods of time and I’m just napping it on and off.

I’m super cranky and want Justin out of bed, I want to be in bed alone right now mostly because I’m sick and well I dunno why I do that when sick. I just want him to get the hell out of my bed. Ok, our bed, but still.. go somewhere else and sleep dang it.

Summer is half way over, which kinda sucks. I’m not going to make it to California this year which is sad, I miss my family and Cassandra a lot. Lauren too but he went and got married and hasn’t emailed me in ages, then again that could be because I don’t use my old email anymore. I should open outlook and grab his email and send him an email from my gmail.

Strange to think Lauren just up and got married about a year ago. I remember when he came over when Byron and I split up and just sat up with me, while I bawled my eyes out. Shit he ended up spending the night just so I wouldn’t feel so alone, and just held me. He’s been one of the coolest guy friends I’ve had. Yea I gotta email him, find out where he is and what not. I should ask Cassandra if she’s gotten an email from him in awhile.

I’ve got to stock some money away for my next Psych appointment I have that coming up on the 26th. Hopefully I’ll hear about the new position at the IRS by then and its good news. If I get that job I only have to work about two weeks after training and I’ll qualify for health insurance FINALLY. Keeping my fingers crossed about that. I keep getting memo’s from the IRS that I qualify for the job, which is good. Now I just need to get the offer for the new position.