Flights of friendship

So it has come to full fruition.

Made a friend almost a year ago. During this friendship I had complained to Justin that it seemed I put more effort into the friendship than the other person. I feel I did a lot for this person, offered a lot of trust and a lot of friendship to get barely anything in return.

Recently when my local Garou game Lead ST told me I was uninvited and never gave me a reason, simply said, “As of this moment you are no longer invited to my game. Have a good day.” Then hung up with out giving me a chance to say a single word. Didn’t tell me anything about why or what was going on, despite his words to the contrary when we originally started to play.

I was upset really upset with the way it happened. Ask some friends to stick by me and not return not because I was kicked out, but because of the way it happened. Said above mentioned friend was one. She totally freaked out on me. We got into a huge arguement and when I apologized she simply refused it. Ignored me for a complete month and wouldn’t acknowledge me in anyway.

Justin tried asking her why she wouldn’t at least talk to me about the arguement.. it’s taken nearly two weeks for her to respond in any way.

I would like to say that this person is completely emotionally withdrawn, can’t take any display of emotion in a healthy way, freaks out when friends poke fun of each other in jest and everyone is enjoying it, always thought we were fighting for real. This person avoids any emotion good or bad completely. One reason I felt that I didn’t think a friendship would work, but when Justin said give it a chance I did. Thought I would find a good friend in her.

Not sure why it came as a hurtful suprise when it didn’t work out that way. With in two weeks of stopping talking to me she broke up with Doherty as well, (Who oddly enough isn’t speaking to me either… and for that reason I’ve not figured out yet.)

This person was truely missing an emotional link here. Completely always wanted to cause trouble in her relationship by “cheating” but figured that because it was girls it wasn’t cheating although Doherty didn’t feel that way.

Anyhow this post was mostly so I can post the emails to remind myself not to let this person back into my trust. To show how selfish SHE is while calling me selfish when it was my turn to have a time of need.

Don’t have to read the emails if you don’t want, they aren’t meant for anyone but myself as a reminder.. They follow below.

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From: Justin *
To: Jasmine *
Date: Mon, Jun 25, 2007 at 2:00 PM

Fine.

Then don’t put the blame on us or Jenn for not being friends.

You can tell Jenn why you refuse to be friends. I am not your messenger boy.

That is not too much to ask.

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From: Jasmine Last name removed [mailto: email removed@gmail.com]
Sent: Monday, June 25, 2007 11:56 AM
To: Justin *
Subject: Re: Sigh

I don’t want resolution.
I just want to be left alone.

On 6/21/07, Justin LastName removed wrote:

She really does want to sincerely apologize to you and still be friends..

I haven’t told her we’ve talked on emails.

It has been really bothering her how you two haven’t been friends lately.

-Jay

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That was forwarded to me by Jas, she didn’t say anything in her email, just forwarded it. Coward that she is.

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from Jenn * hide details 7:01 am (8 hours ago)
to Jasmine *
date Jun 26, 2007 7:01 AM
subject Re: Sigh
mailed-by gmail.com

I got your point loud and clear from what you told Justin last week when he told you I was up there to make amends and become friends again.

I mostly really wanted to know why. I know I got upset but I wanted to apologize for it.

Really is a game worth dropping a whole friendship for?

I’m sorry you feel this way, I’m sorry I was manipulative when I was upset. I never intended this to be a “the game, or me” thing. Seems everyone thought so though because No One now talks to me that games other than Mike Marble and I think he only speaks to me so he can still run his game as he wants 4 players in it.

:: shrugs ::

I didn’t want it to be that way, it was what I was afraid of though, I’d get kicked out, rumors would start, I’d be laughed at at afters and then no one would be my friend.

Either way I’ve got a book to return to you. Not sure how to get it back as you don’t want to have anything to do with me. Might pass it through Jeremiah.

from Jasmine * hide details 11:12 am (4 hours ago)
to Jenn *
date Jun 26, 2007 11:12 AM
subject Re: Sigh
mailed-by gmail.com

I will give your book to Jeremiah as well. I have no desire to be hateful. I’m just tired and want space. To me this has nothing to do with game and everything to do with the fight that you and I had. I felt you were unkind and I was justified in asking for space. I fully expected things to resolve in their own time. But you require a lot from your friends in terms of emotional understanding and support, and when it comes time to return it, it stung that there was no return. It made me feel you hadn’t been a very good friend to me at all and that I was better off without you in my life. I’m not saying any of this to upset you. I’m just letting you know that, in the approximation of others, you come across as a very selfish person. Hopefully this is something you can examine and come to terms with, whether you agree with me or not.

from Jenn * hide details 3:02 pm (2 minutes ago)
to Jasmine *
date Jun 26, 2007 3:02 PM
subject Re: Sigh
mailed-by gmail.com

It was I who needed a friend at that time Jas. Yes I expected my friends to support me, even if they still decided to play the game.

I apologized. I apologized plenty.

If you see me as being selfish in my time of need of a friend then so be it, I can accept when my feelings are exceptionally hurt that I need my friends, kinda what I thought friendships were about. A friend breaks their leg, you go support them, spend time with them, make sure they don’t feel left out, or overly bored. You share things with them, you support them in their good and hurt moods. It is what friendship is supposed to be about.

I feel I put more effort into our friendship from the begining. Didn’t ask for a lot, until I needed a friend. I apologized for pushing when I was emotional. I DO NOT apologize for having emotions.

You didn’t upset me, I have my answer, but suprisingly enough its not about anything you said, its something that shows me I was right from the begining. Have a life, can’t say I wish it to be good, as that would require letting people in… people who try to care… if you’d only let them.

All I can say is I tried.

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I’ve decided to give back the book she put together for girls night out that I got as the pick. Not sure I want something that personal from her. While I like elephants and like the elephant she gave me for my birthday I’m torn about giving that back. Its not something personal about her, its a gift that was bought with me in mind as I love elephants.

Stuff like this really makes me think am I really that selfish. It tears at me and I don’t know how to react.

I need to find real friends… but I’ve learned that people don’t change simply because we grow up. If anything the childish self centered natures become more in grained. What bothers me the most is that I would have done a lot and did do a lot to be friends with this person.

What bothers me is that any time I put my faith in someone that they are my friend I get burned.