Flirtations

Where to begin.

I like Jeremiah. I find him funny, and interesting to be around. I find him oddly childish at times but there is still a slight attraction.

Maybe its because he pays attention to me.

He flirts with me.

He always has a hug for me when he sees me.

I drempt I kissed him. I’ve had this dream a few times and Saturday night while I was at a game, I actually considered what would happen if I just kissed him. I even got so close to doing so in front of everyone including Justin.

Do not get me wrong, I love Justin, I love him completely. But I feel a lack of ….. something in our relationship and I’ve tried to explain to Justin and I just feel nothing is coming out of it.

Im tired of our house. Im tired of spending so much money just to have our house and pay his bills. Im tired of not ever being able to catch up on bills, HIS bills let alone even get around to my own.

Im tired of feeling like crap and wondering if Justin even has any desire for me. I know he cares, but its like we’ve been married 30 years.

He rarely touches me in public.. no hugs, no light kisses, no need to just reach out and touch me.

What I need is time away. Some how I need a break to see if I come back if he misses me enough to put the desire back into our relationship.

I like that Jeremiah touches me …. He’ll put his arm around my waist or shoulders while we are standing around talking at the game. In Character we never are touchy, its usually while we are waiting for a storyteller and talking out of character that the flirting happens.

Justin doesn’t do this with me at all.

Justin was slightly jealous of Jeremiah’s attention to me at the last game.

Jealous but never did anything about it.

I got a movie tonight… took me out for a movie. Yes, I enjoy doing such things with him, but its more like we are friends than anything romantic. Its just well, lacking.

I’ve talked to Justin about it…. but I dont think he understands, and I dont know how to make him understand, nor even if I want to try because its more hassle than its worth.

He gets moody, then pissy then ignores me, I blow it off and he thinks its ok… what ever.