Going back to Cali

I leave for a two week trip to California.

I had to put Aethena down yesterday. I’ve had her since I was 17, 17 years ago. She was 18 years old.

I feel guilty.

She was sick and due to her age she was going down hill fast, there was nothing we could do except convalescence care, meaning daily trips to the vet to have hydration fluid put into her, vitamin shots, daily bathing because she was unable to walk and would just urinate where she was.

I feel guilty because she was still with us mentally. Unlike when we lost Bear he was so gone from the seizures.

She was my old lady and I feel horrible. I couldn’t even be in the room with her like I was Bear. I had to say my goodbyes and go outside, leaving my husband to be the one with her. I just couldn’t remember her passing away.

I consider taking her to California with me and asking the people who own the house she spent most of her life in if I could bury her in the yard where I used to have a rose bush. They might be freaked out, and I have no idea the rules of bringing animal remains on the airplane. They aren’t liquids.. We did have her cremated so I probably could get away with it on the airplane. I don’t think my husband would let me though.

I’ve got to get to the vet to pick her up today.

I’ve got to finish packing as I leave in 5 and a half hours.

Of course there is a lot I need to do here for my disability.