Running or hiding?

I’ve recently started this party kick of mine again. Ive already found another Rave that I want to go to Labor Day Weekend… Sat Sept 2nd. That is labor day weekend right? Ohh well that extra day off on Monday will be great… Ive found a friend to go with me, and well we’ll be road tripping for it so I might gather a few more people up.

But this partying kick of mine I started up…. Last time I started partying a lot was when I lived in Oceanside CA and I was a mess. Drinking all the time and what not. But I did it to cover my depression… I am taking my medicine for my bi-polar disorder. But because of training and what not I have not seen a councilor in awhile… I dont think Im depressed.. Im actually doing well in my training, and I have a net friend in my new town that Im going to meet up with and have dinner to meet for the first time… So its not like I will be with out friends in San Luis Obispo. I dont go very long with out them… So I need to really look deep inside to see if this is just something I found that I like to do, or if Im hiding or running from something.

On another note… I few people that I know at work and what not… Ive tried explaining the situation with Joey, not in full detail like that he’s only 17. But like how we met and all that… I dont really care that it was over the net, but some people have asked how can you consider him your boyfriend if you’ve never met…. Its a matter that is quiet different. We are together but in a way we have an extremely open relationship. If either of us decides to go out with another person the other person will be understanding of it. I know there is the potential for extreme jealousy in that situation, but as long as we both stay honest I really think that is the only way either of us will get past the four years he has for college.

Another thing Ive learned recently… Joey wants to go to school for computers. If he does do all four years in Australia, then when he gets over here he’ll have to do some more school, because of the way the US is set up. I’ll have to talk to him about finishing his last two years over here, just transfereing here or something so he doesnt have to do extra schooling to get a job here…. Its weird but on a work visa you cant go to school nor on a school visa can you work. Its almost as if he’ll need to get citizenship… ::sighs:: This is just me thinking way way in advance… something I really need to learn not to do yet.

Something occurred to me last night. A friend of mine is considering moving in with a friend in another state to help her out. He’s really worried because its like just packing up and leaving and starting over again. I looked at it and encouraged him. Mostly because he has yet to really live on his own. And that first step to independance is the scariest and hardest. But well if you can get the courage and just go for it, things will always work out. Like me and this job, like it could have been for Byron if he had moved out here. But he could not get past the fear.

In a way that fear relates to myself greatly. Starting a new relationship over again and opening up that much takes courage. Courage Im still looking for…. Change is something I hate and yet I threw myself into it with this new job. Something Im glad I did, because today during training I actually got to install real dial tone into the training facility. The company that trains us had two extra numbers turned on by the phone company but does their own inside wiring. Which in turn, was me getting to put all that I have learned to work. I have been told that a lot of the instructors are saying what a great job Im doing… I feel like Ive been lost and not sure of what Ive been doing, but it seems Ive got it down. Which is like really exciting because I love making things work… and well I made the new numbers work from the box on the outside to the two phones on the inside. Of course it was easy for me because I had all the right tools and stuff to find the dial tone and what not, but its the fact I feel I accomplished something today. Which is what I have wanted in a job for a long time. Its a good feeling to know you have actually done something that day. Unlike when I was a service rep and my sales are what was important, not my good or rather excellent customer service to help the customer, but sales. Here I actually did something. I made something work….

Everything I have learned in my training is starting to come together… A plus for my new job is that its not really looked at as a woman’s job but a man’s job. And the fact that Im getting the hang of it better than most the guys in my class makes me feel full of GIRL POWER! ::grins:: Yes, girls can do it too and be good at it!

Im sick from my allergies acting up because of all the dust at Rave so Im off to bed….