So tired of this Sh*t

Ok today was like a really good day for me.. kind of.

I got up early this morning and came online before work. I was talking to some peeps about voices and accents and well… Byron ::sighs:: managed to confuse me again. I dont really know what to expect. He teases me like we are the same as we used to be. But yet I was told by a friend he called me a bitch today. It makes no sense, a few friends are telling me its because he is bitter at losing me, like he really didnt expect me to stop waiting for him while he went and saw what if.

Speaking of which Ive been thinking of an old conversation with Byron. The night we talked about exploring what if’s. It makes me feel really bad because when I asked him about me exploring what if’s he said he would not be there for me if my what if didnt work out with the other person because he did not think he could deal with that kind of betrayal. I told him that night that if he ever did, because I loved him so much I would wait. Yet, I did not. When it came down to it I was too hurt. Besides how long would I have to wait to know what it was not a what if thing any longer?

My entry about 100% honesty kicked myself in the ass, so I cant really say what I feel on the subject any longer because Byron has an OD that he never writes in but has one entry. I think he put me on his favorites so even if I changed my nick he could still read my OD. I have started another one, one for my prayers… but well I cant go and use that one for this stuff. I dont really want to start a whole new one. So I write here, what I can, sooner or later I’ll stop worrying about pissing him off and will write what I damn well feel like.

I had a good day today otherwise I was trying to get a job as a DSL tech for the company I work for and today they called and job offered me. Im so nervous. I start Monday for the training class and will have to move to San Luis Obispo by the end of August. This is a huge decision for me and Im way nervous about moving again and the money issues. It is a higher paying job so I’ll be ok with Money but well. Its a lot of change and I dont usually do well with change, it stresses me. Im sure once Im settled in I’ll be fine but well… you know how it is..

Im off to attempt some kind of sleep and to call Joey…

(HUGGLES)

You sure did kick yourself in the arse with the 100% Honesty ones. For one, they’re not even 100% Honest and two, you wrote those entries in spite, knowing they would hurt.

And he finally leaves a note. It was honest to what I was being told and how things were being said to me. I know it may not have been 100% right truths, just what was being said to me. Byron, I know it hurt but

I did not write them out of spite. That I can say for sure. I wanted a way to tell you what I had been told, you would never have believed me if I just talked to you.

For the sake of your sanity, I hope the time comes sooner when you sop caring what a bitter ex thinks.

He seems to be pretty damned angry. It seems like he’s got some problems of bitterness. Tell him to get over it.