The me of today

I have actually gone back and read a few of my OD entries, and like usual when I do this I come across an entry that I want to think on again. I am not you….

In this entry I chose to discover a bit about myself by saying what I am not. I’d like to see if those things still stand true.

I am not you, I do not care to think what you might want me to say, I say exactly what is on my mind and when it is. I do not play games with words or minds. This still holds true, except I have learned that I may want to say what I say when I think it, I know it is not always appropriate. I have learned that my current boyfriend can be my sounding board. If there is something I wanted to say but it was not ok to say it, I can tell him later and he listens. I still get the chance to say what I want, with out offending others. Since I wrote this statement I have become a lot less self centered and more open to other’s feelings.

I am not you, because I actually care about my friends and will stand by them. I will not leave them when they are in need. This still stands true. If I consider you my friend I will always stand by you.

I am not you, because I will not treat my friends poorly and use them. I will be their friend despite the friendship I get in return. I will always be a friend and never expect anything in return. This has changed. I have grown up, and have learned to respect myself. If a friend treats me poorly I have learned that they are not the friend I thought they were and I have no need to try and force such a friendship on them. I will always be a friend, I have just learned not to expect the same strength of friendship in return. No being pushy for being a friend and no disappointment on my end when the person doesn’t live up to my expectations of friendship.

I am not you, because I will not compromise my beliefs. I stand strong in what I believe and can make my own decisions. This is still true, except that I have learned to listen to others better and I do not need to push my beliefs onto others. As I grow and learn so do my beliefes and opinions. I am a stronger person for learning to learn.

I am not you, because family actually matters most to me. I love them even when I am pushed away. I care about them first and foremost in anything. This is still true 100%, and with family issues always changing I have learned to let old things lay in the past and learn to appreciate my family more.

I am not you, because I do care what others think of me. I hate when people tell me I should not care what someone else thinks. But we always should care what another thinks of us. For how are we to know if we are being the best we can? This is still true, and I still strive to not let what others think of me hurt me, but to grow from it instead. I am achieving this statement. Growing as a person is harder than I ever thought it would be.

I never did add the I am me statements to go with this. So I will try to do so now.

I am me because I have learned to grow as a person, and to learn from my growth. Mistakes are always a part of life and I am learning to grow from them not regret them.

I am me because I still do not feel like I belong in the adult skin I am in. I still feel lost to being grown up, and I understand that its ok to ask for help when you think you are overwhelmed. Being an adult does not mean you do it all 100% by yourself, it is understanding that what ever you do is your responsibility but its ok to ask for help.

I am me because I know I am not perfect and can never be a perfect, person, friend, love, women, adult, and daughter. And I know its ok.