Tipping the Glass… looking for more…

The entry that was titled this was a continuation of the last entry, I do not recall what it was but well… I shall just put my current events in here. Or the current events or lack there of with Byron. So much has happened since we broke up I really dont know what to say. Of course we are trying the friend thing but I think we fight more than did when we were together. I dont understand him that’s for sure. I call everyone hon, and well yesterday he was well really pushing my limits and I lost my temper. He had me on ignore in irc and well I lost it, abused my oline and kill’d him from the server. Lost my oline…. I dont really mind other than I feel bad about my friend who gave it to me.

I talk to Byron and well it all seems to go well and then he says something to push my buttons. Get my temper, though today its actually not working. I was thinking tonight on my way home from work why maybe it was better for Byron and I not to be together. Though our values I think were not that far different.. but the way I value love and such is different. Ive been told that one of my friends thinks he’s only in love with the idea of being in love. That worries me. Ive also heard about a couple of other girls he’s admitted to others having feelings for while he was with me.

It realy makes me feel as if I was only someone he did that with. To me it does seem odd how he could have loved me, and do this too me. I know that relationships take work and I feel he just wants something that is eaiser and well, the idea of being in love, the first stages of a new love….

He runs from any sort of hardship, like a challanging converstation, or a hard spot in a relationship. He gives his heart away too easily looking for love. I so badly want to tell him things that Ive learned about him in all of this but he freaks out anytime I show him a bit of honesty about himself.

I know more about the situation between him and I than I should, like everything…. Like the way he treated me. I cant believe he did this all to me. How dare he tell me he loves me and all the fucking sweet words when this past two months he’s had feelings for girl after girl after girl. He wouldnt even know true love if it bit him in the ass. And well I have showed it to him and he ran from it. I have so many opinions on the subject that it kills me. Like I think he truely is affraid of getting hurt like his daughter’s mom hurt him. I know I didnt help the situation with Andrew who’s real name is Joey since Ive gone to real names. But I didnt leave Byron for Joey, yes I questioned it all but the fact I couldnt be with out Byron and made my choice on the fact I’d lose to much by losing Byron. I just want to like shake some sense into Byron. Not that Im sure I want him back after all he didnt treat me fairly. Have feelings for one of my best friends, flirt with every girl he can…. Its all ego fullfillment and well, I thought I was insecure.

All I want to do is be able to tell him that I know about all or most of his crushes, about the conversations he’s had with some of my closest friends, about a few private talks Ive had with other people, and just show him all the mistakes he’s making right now. Unfortunatly I cant, I cant tell him any of it, mostly because Im still scared to piss him off so he wont hate me. Im still stuck in that fear. Like it should really matter to me. But I dont want him to hate me I just want him to face the truth even though it may hurt and be a better person. After all I am …..