“You’re not the only one who lives here”

Can you believe that prick Dennis had the audacity to say that to me last night. I was sitting in the living room with Justin watching a movie. Something I never get to do, use my own living room. It was nice and quiet, I was enjoying the movie and the time alone with Justin. They come in, drunk from the club. You know how drunk people are, loud when they talk, unable to stop themselves from talking, let alone try to do so quietly. They didnt just all come in at once, they trickled in. Kinda like the fuckers all lived here, mind you, which they don’t. So as they came in in two’s and three’s and spoke, I shh’d them and mentioned I was trying to watch a movie. I ignore the loud rustling of papers from Mc Donalds, which for some odd reason drunk people manage to make even noiser than normal, I ignore the LOUD talking in the kitchen until I can’t hear the movie and shhhh them again. It wasn’t until I missed two entire scenes that I gave up. I stood up, gathered my blanket and pillow and said, “Thanks guys” as I left the living room.

Dennis said to me as I stepped into my room, “You’re not the only one who lives here.” Wholly fucking hell. I am so aware that I’m not the only one living here. I am so fully aware of this that I feel as if IM the renter and they are the home owners. I get free use of my room. Not the living room, not my bathroom, not the laundry room, not anything but my own fucking room. For the longest time I didnt even get free use of my internet connection which I PAY for, me not them. Which I might remind you as I’ve mentioned in previous entries, was not part of the rental agreement. Of course Justin says to me that when I have problems with the roommates Im to talk to him and he would mediate. Im trying this, he never says a damn ass word to them.

To make matters worse is that Mike took Dennis’ side last night.

Im going to move. Justin can’t seem to understand that I expect a lot of respect. I do not feel Im disrespectful to either of the roommates, I pick up after them, I clean their dishes, I take out their trash, I even for a while there cooked for them.

Im not a slave, Im not either of their mothers. Im tired of it and Justin can not see that I want the respect due to me as a head member of the house. I do not want to be treated as a secondary person. I hate it. I honestly do not think that any Missourian really ]understands a liberated woman. I think the biggest thing I’ve learned in the last eight months of living in Missouri is that women in California are really a head of their times compared to the rest of the US. It’s a huge culture shock and I am not sure Im adjusting.

Justin pissed me off today. I do not think he thinks of me except he claims he was. I got up, and come out to see EVERYONE, Dennis, Mike, Kelly, Justin eating Chinese from around the corner. Yes, even Justin. Did he bother picking me up anything? No. Did he come in and ask me what I would like? No. He claims he got it for me except he was eating it. He claims it was only for a few bites. He claims he wouldnt have gotten anything if it wasnt for me. Except if it was for me why would he not have come in and asked me what I like? Why would he have not woken me up to say, Hey Jenn I got you some food. Why would he have sat down to eat it? I’ll tell you why, because he was going to offer me the left overs. Thats the second time he’s done that. He doesnt understand how I find it disrespectful.

Oh, did I ever mention that while he was in training for his job at the IRS that some girl who was training with him got his phone number. I guess this girl Megan was talking to her friend about how cute he was and how funny he was etc etc etc. So this friend who picks up Megan from work see’s Justin walking out to his car. Stops him and asks for Justin’s phone number for Megan. He gave it to her. Now I know it was Megan asking her friend to get it for her because on that day, her friend JUST happened to have had Megan’s cell phone.

Justin doesn’t find it disrespectful to give our phone number out to other girls. Even though I find it so, he doesn’t. I’m sure that if our cell phone still worked he would have given that number instead of the house number so that I might never have known he gave one out. I don’t know what to think about it. The girls had the audacity to ask him to hang out one night after work. He got off at 11pm. Isn’t it kind of late to ask a guy to come hang out at your house that late at night? Unless you planned something more? A guy with a girl friend at that, and you are fully aware he has a girl friend? Justin declined them, I think more because I would have freaked out on him if he had gone, then out of respect for me. Either way Im not fully trusting of the situation.

Is he already looking elsewhere?

Im not. Despite how much trouble we go through I still stop and look at him and smile. I’ll just sit and watch him unaware and still feel all anamoured over him.

::sighs::

Maybe Im to much of a bitch about having a clean house, and having him help out to keep it clean.

Maybe Im just not cut out to have a relationship at all. Maybe I should just take my cats and live alone for ever since it seems to much for anyone to understand me.

I never really thought asking to have my house kept straightened was being overly picky about a clean house.