I can’t fight this anymore

I am extremely tired. I feel stuck in this puddle of sadness constantly dying away. I know that I should invest in myself and that I should only focus on me, but I hate the way my brain is wired to devote all the love to my husband. I know for a fact, he does’t respect me, he does not love me the way I want to be loved. He has cheated, lied and everything inbetween. I should have left a while ago. I feel like that was my mistake. But then when I think of leaving, and I decide to tell him he is not willing to fight for me. He says that is fine, do what makes you happy. Says I am weak minded, that I am emotionally unstable. I am not a priority in his life. Everything else is. I guess I am just tired of being sad every time I think of leaving him. I feel nauseous constantly. He has destroyed everything I believed in love. I don’t know what to do anymore. Ultimately, I feel like the dumbest woman in the world. What do I do world? I know what I should do. But How do I feel okay with it.😏