Last night…

 Daniel and I went for a walk last night. A lot happened on this walk. Lets see..

1) Alex called and we talked for a bit. I told him how I’ve been feeling (how I’m not feeling much of anything for him anymore). He took it really well. The kids grown up in the last few weeks. He’s also realized what he lost. His roommates were both having girlfriend problems for th last two weeks and Alex was helping them through it. I mean him being in a 4 year relationship that has been through hell and back gives him the experience to give good advice. So basically hearing his roommates’ problems helped him realize that I’m quite the catch. I mean sure, I get very emotional for no reason and i get jealous easily but that really all he ever had to deal with. He had it kind of easy with me. I wish he had realized this sooner…maybe we would still be together. It’s weird not feeling anything after feeling so much for four years.

Our families are going to take it kind of hard. My mom thought that we were going to eventually get married. Maybe we still will…I mean people fall in and out of love all the time. Maybe its just a distance thing. Maybe after college….no use thinking about it. I’ll just stay with the go with the flow kinda thing. It seems to be working pretty well for me.

2) Daniel and I had long talks about a lot of different things. About how when we write (when anyone writes) a part of ourselves and our experiences goes into our writing. He told me more about his life. How he was always free to do what he wanted because his parents didn’t care and how that kinda of bothered him. It’s strange how different our lives were growing up. He lived in India and went on like hikes and rock climbed and did all this cool stuff I could only dream of doing. He was allowed to go basically anywhere and his parents didn’t care/mind. I grew up in an urban city where you had to watch your back walking around, I went to school in a different place where rich people lived. My parents cared too much and never let me do anything with my life. I only dreamed of nature hikes and ice climbing and unknown paths to explore. 

We do have one thing in common: We both feel alone. 

Sure I have friends. I have a few really good friends…but know one really gets me. Well I feel that way. I think differently and I’m kind of weird. While my best friends adore me sometimes I can see the look that says "She is so strange." I told someone once that I wanted to be a wolf and never change back. Just stay a wolf forever and explore everything. She gave me a weird look said ok and pretty much stopped talking to me…am I too weird?

But yea…it was nice just walking around and talking to him. I love walking. It clears my head and helps me think better.

He really nice to just be with. He kind of understands me so far. Maybe he wont leave. I’ll probably scare him away eventually though. That tends to happen a lot. But anyways…

He told me he liked me yesterday. We were talking about his girlfriend. He was saying how her constantly being on his ass and telling him that she basically doesn’t trust him and always thinks that he’s cheating on her….kind of pushed him to cheat. I get his girlfriend. I was the same way with Alex…and Alex told me the same thing. Being like that with a boyfriend drives them away thus cheating becomes more and more tempting. So yea got on that topic and somehow it got to:

Daniel: "I mean me and you are basically fuck buddies but not really…because than that implies that there is nothing here(points to his heart) and there is definitely something there….I like you.."

Me: *flustered and retarded with words at the moment "I like you too"

It was sweet. So I know he likes me. for now….maybe not…it could just have been a caught up in the moment thing though because we were talking about past relationships and stuff. 

I don’t know…why would he like me? I’m nothing special….definitely not "leaving current girlfriend" material. 

I’m going to sleep. I don’t want to think anymore. 

 *Sandra*