ok this has to stop…

I don’t think I can do this anymore with Daniel. I love what we have. I think it could be more. But, it isn’t fair. It just isn’t fair. He has a girlfriend. He still loves her. If he didn’t he would’ve left her by now. He would’ve left by now. He can’t have two women in his life. 

I need to end this. LIke tonight. Maybe tomorrow night. I don’t want to distract him from his all day class tomorrow and saturday. So saturday night, after his class…I’m gunna talk to him. Tell him that I can’t be one of two women. It hurts to hear/see him tell his girlfriend he loves her. 

I don’t think he’s the kind of guy to say it if he didn’t mean it.

*sigh* I guess I was just hoping to have this work out. I just thought I could give him his time until he finally left her. But, I don’t know, he hasn’t done much about it. It’s not really fair that he has me hanging on until he’s finally ready to dump her. If he wants to. What if he doesn’t have any intention of letting her go? What if I’m just a fuck buddy to him?

I really don’t think he’d tell her he loved her unless he meant it.

*sigh* I knew it was too good to be true. I knew it….I really knew it. When am I going to learn that shit like this doesn’t work…no matter how bad I may want it to. I mean why would he choose me? He’s known her longer. Obviously still loves her. She’s pretty. I’m sure she’s probably smarter and more like him. 

If he didn’t love her he would’ve left…or something. *sigh* I want to talk about this! With him..with someone…anyone at all…..

I don’t know…I was doing some math homework, took a small break to eat some ramen….then I saw that and I don’t know….I had to get out what I’m feeling some how. I have no one else to talk to. 

*sigh* Great now I’m crying….stupid period making me want to cry over everything…I don’t need him…I don’t need anyone….I can do this myself….fuck guys….I hate them they’re all the same…tell you one thing then go and do stuff that totally contradicts everything they say. Why does he stay with me if he still loves her? Is it because I’m easy? 

Fuck…I really am a whore aren’t I? I need to learn to keep my legs closed. My mom was completely right about me…..Can’t get a guy without opening my legs much less keep one around….even Alex got bored. 

I’m just going to finish my math crap, eat some chocolate, and have another good cry….

I just hoped we could be more…or maybe I’d just hope he’d forget about her and leave her……

I’m just gunna cry it out now…..no need for him to see me crying (again) when he gets back…..especially since its partly over him….

I don’t want to lose him. But, I don’t know…..he loves her and I can’t get in the way of that….

*sigh* good night everyone

*Sandra*