*sigh*

So I believe I mentioned Alex and I broke up. Like, completely. Well, now he isn’t talking to me and it kind of hurts. I mean he said we’re going to be friends and hang out and stuff but then like why are you just falling out of my life like that? I text him every other day to make sure he is still like alive and ok because I literally don’t hear from him at all. 

I texted him today saying "hi" and texts texts back, "Why are you texting me?"…

Well hi to you too. Why do you think I’m texting you. The same reason I’ve been texting you every few days. To make sure you’re ok. To not fall out of contact with you. 

Cuz I secretly miss you…

I really do miss him. I hope we still end up being friends at least. A part of me still loves him no matter how much I want to deny it. I mean he’d be perfect if he just actually wanted to talk to me and actually try and keep this relationship while we’re in college. And if he still maybe acted like he loved me. 

*sigh* I’m probably going to end up breaking my resolve and getting back with him. Again. I just can’t let him go. I do love him. I mean like that passion isn’t there but I still love him. I just wish he tried harder. I feel like he got too comfortable. Kind of like he always expected me to be around no matter what he did. I mean he’s kind of right..

I took him back even though he left me when I was pregnant with his kid.

But, that doesn’t give him a right to treat me like crap. To treat me like I’m no one. I’m his girlfriend…I was his girlfriend. I also need my time you know. It’s not like I even asked for much either. Just a conversation that didn’t happen over fucking texts. A phone call or a skype call at night for a few minutes. That’s all I asked for. But, getting this kid to talk to me by any other means but texts is impossible. He’s so stubborn. Don’t get me wrong…texting is convenient but it’s too impersonal. I don’t say much over text because like it’s just uncomfortable and there are always misinterpretations. We have such a bad track record with that its like walking on egg shells texting. So are conversations consist of literally. "Hey" "whats up" "nm u" "same" "doing anything tonight" nope" "ok" "yea" that’s literally what it dissolved down too. What happened to the Alex that I can sit with for hours and hours on end talking about nothing and enjoying our time together?

I remember when we would sit on the phone listening to music and singing along with the songs. Not talking to each other or anything. Just enjoying each others company over the phone…what happened to that dynamic?

Hanging out with his friends became more important. How many times have I heard "Babe I’ll skype you later I’m with friends" or "Babe I promise we’ll skype later I’m gunna go play a game" or "Not now babe I have a huge headache" I mean I get it. You want to hang out with your friends but when your girlfriend waits up all night for you to be done with your video game so she can finally talk and then you tell her you have a head ache…thats kinda fucked up. 

Make a little time for your girlfriend..I know I sound like one of tjose girlfriends but I would like the contact or else it’ll never work long distance you know?

 *Sandra*