Uh oh…

Here we go again…

Once again falling hard and fast for someone. Only this time…he’s taken. 

Daniel and I spent the entire day together. We fooled around, had sex, got caught having sex (damn college and roommates lol), watched Supernatural, ate chinese food, hung out in my room, and talked. I had an amazing day/night with him. He’s just an awesome guy. We can literally sit there and do nothing and still be happy. Just being in his presence makes me happy. We’re the kind of people who can sit in silence doing our own thing but still enjoy just being together. No awkward silence. No feeling the need to talk. Just two people enjoying each other’s company…

Just so happens I’m falling for him…hard.

And I wouldn’t mind except…it’s kind of futile to have deep feelings for him. He has a girlfriend and he loves her. I doubt we’ll go farther than what we are already.

Sometimes I wonder: Does he genuinely like me? or Is he just having fun? 

I’m scared. After what happened with Eric, I’m really scared to be falling for someone again. One of my biggest fears is rejection. I’m just scared I’m going to fall for him completely then hes going to turn around and say that he doesn’t see me that way. 

I would love to be more to him than just that girl who he fucks,and kisses, and hangs out with. I don’t know what I am to him. What if when he’s with me, he’s thinking about his girlfriend. It sucks to know that I’m "The other woman." It’s like one minute he’s looking at me with those amazing, gorgeous eyes of his making me feel like I’m the only one that matters. Then the next he’ll like message his girlfriend and I’m just like oh yea…we’re not together. 

It’s not his fault. He is a boyfriend and has duties to attend to. I mean I still talk to Alex and tell him I love him and stuff. He’s still kind of my boyfriend. I understand completely but still it’s like weird to think I’m the other one. I’m the side thing. It’s just….strange but I’m adjusting. 

I really like him though. A lot. He’s like everything I’ve ever wanted in a guy. Sexy, smart, sweet, funny, turns me on to no end…he’s just great in every way. 

I don’t know what to do about Alex though. I don’t know whether or not we’re dating. But, either way. 

I don’t think I love him anymore.

I don’t feel much for him. I barely want to talk to him.

After everything we’ve been through…it’s weird to feel so…indifferent towards him. Him. The guy I fell in love with and been with for 4 years. How do I just tell him, "Hey I’m no longer interested."

Anyway its bed time for me. Night!

 *Sandra*