Loopy over lupus

Entry #1  I suppose I just introduce myself. My name is Kym. I’m 35 years old and a mother to a beautiful, pain in the tush son. I was born and raised in Melbourne where I survived with my aunt, uncle and ten cousins who would later be my brothers. My mom is a drug addict. She spent my whole life lying to me, stealing from me and cheating me out of ever meeting my real father. She told me the man she was married to was my father until I was 23 years old. She still denies my real father and even tells me he was abusive. I don’t believe her and would love to meet him some day. I’m a two time cancer survivor you see and it would be nice to know if my dad has any knowledge of that. It made for a rough childhood. I didn’t get to be a kid really. When I was here during one of my visitations, I had to go to school. That’s where I met my soul mate. His name is Tony. He was the only kid that seemed to like me in first grade. I was sad to leave after getting to spend a few months with actual friends. He would re-enter my life a few times later on. I eventually was stuck with my mom. I hated her and everything about her life. She is a hypochondriac and OCD…. Terrible combo. She also likes to hoard things and she didn’t have any domestic skills. I had to get a job early because my useless step father was never able to keep a job or take care of us. I eventually got to move out which made chemo treatment difficult. I usually had to walk… Alone to and from because I was too sick to drive. I was dating a guy at the time who was mentally and spiritually abusive. I eventually left him with the help of a friend I met while paintballing. He was good to me for a long time. Tony came back in to my life after a bout in the army. He wasn’t the same soul I remembered and it strained our friendship for a time. He was also into partying and doing crazy drugs. I still had fallen madly in love with him, remembering the cute little boy he was and how kind he was to me. Anyway the guy I was with cheated on me and we eventually parted ways. I hooked up with a couple guys after that but then Tony came back into my life and well he was still being a little bit of a jerk to me, he was showing signs of PTSD. We started growing closer and eventually got pregnant. Oops. It was quite a miracle though. We both used contraceptives and I was shortly post cancer so I shouldn’t of been able to conceive. Tony and I went different ways though. His mom was soon diagnosed with brain cancer and he went into a downward spiral. When she passed without ever meeting her grandson, he snapped. He left to be with horrible people while I struggled with being a single mom and newly diagnosed with lupus. I was bitter and still can be on some days. It wasn’t until July of 2019 that Tony showed an interest in our son or me for that matter. I still hurt from what felt like my heart being ground to dust over years of loneliness and being apart from who I thought was my soul mate. We kept talking and I started planning another visit. Covid happened and I was living with a controlling roommate. We still went through with the trip and Tony and our son confirmed DNA. It was then that we became family. My roommate couldn’t stand for our trip and Anthony suggested we finally act like a family. That’s where I am today. With Tony and our son. I still have doubts but I’m working through them. Anyhow.. Lupus… It’s a terrible disease. I was first diagnosed two years ago. It was rough. They put me on Plaqinel and that stuff messed me up so horribly. I’m not sensitive to sunlight. I hurt… All the time. I have no energy to play with my son. I’m allergic to everything it seems and I can’t wear my rings because my fingers swell.  Well today I had a doctor appointment and the doctor tells me my lupus isn’t active according to my blood but I tell him about the night sweats and the joint pain, the sun blisters I had, the depression… And he goes “oh, I’d call that active alright”… But the blood told him otherwise so he wants more tests and x-rays and I need to diet and go gluten free, low carb, low cholesterol… Essentially don’t eat what I eat. So it’s a struggle because Tony and our son don’t want chicken and veggies every night. We’re Italian… We eat pasta… Lots and lots of pasta. I need help with keto food. I don’t have money for expensive apps and subscriptions. I need help.