Weirdness.

Well, I leave for Florida tomorrow afternoon. I’m not sure how I feel about this. It’s like I want to go, but I don’t. I mean, it is Florida, and I do miss my family, but it’s weird. I’m going to be in my grandfather’s house, without my grandfather, and as much as I hate the snow, I’m going to be tanning over the holidays, and that’s just weird. I just feel like the holidays will be reallie crappy this year. I mean I got 3.89 in school this semester, and all I can think is well, if I hadn’t gotten that B+… I know that I will be able to see my Julien in 12 days, and all I can think is that what if it’s not the same, and he won’t want to be with me. I want to go to Florida, because I want to see my family, and I don’ because I want to see him. But at the same time, I don’t want to to see Julien and have things be different, and I want to postpone seeing him as long as I can. I just don’t know. I want to be here, but I don’t. I want to be there, but I don’t. AAAAHHHHH!!!!! I think my head is going to explode!!!!!! there are so many thought racing through my head, and all I can see is the downside of everything. I can’t just say “Hey, a 3.89 is damn good” or just be happie that I will be able to see my family, and see Julien. No no, I think, well it should have been a 4.0, and it will be wierd without Papa, and what if Julien doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I’m going nuts!!!! I just want it to all go away. I just want to be happie. I have so many things to be happie about, but it just isn’t happening. I mean, who isn’t happie when they just completed the best semester of their school carrer, and is about to go to Florida for 10 days, and then is going to see her boyfriend whom she hasn’t seen in 4 months? I feel like such a freak. Why am I not happie? I should be happie!

Well, I’m going to pack. Then I am going to sleep. Then when I wake up, maybe I will be able to motivate myself walk down to Victoria’s Secret. I will probably write one more entry tomorrow before I leave, and I will gave internet access while I’m in Florida, so I might write while I’m there, but it is doubtful that I will reallie have the time. So, until then, I hope your holidays are better than mine.

*loves*

-kitten