Noone Told Me

Thought I might actually write an entry as I haven’t in ages. Not that I haven’t wanted to. Not that I haven’t had loads to write about. I just get distracted.

So, last weekend was the most amazing weekend. I went to stay at Jordan’s and had such a lovely time. I wont bore you with all the we did then then we did that stuff. But…I felt so safe and so comfortable and so…wanted. At one point I just fell asleep at the most silly time of the evening and he let me sleep next to him. When I woke I felt so bad for leaving him alone but *sigh* It was nice to feel secure enough to be able to do that. I was torture leaving him.

anyway..let’s get away from the lovey stuff. I’m sure that’s boring for everyone but me and him.

I have been really fancying playing on something today. Like…a gameboy or this handheld pinball game I had when I was younger…and I had a Little Mermaid handheld game too and it was AMAZING. I know they are in my room somewhere. In one of the drawers of my dressing table I think. hmm..*glances over*

who’s it in the L’oréal advert with the heart-shaped wand lipstick? Oh, man, total mind blank. *sits and searches brain* well…anyway…doesn’t her lipstick look awful?? Oh, yeuch. It’s disgusting. Oooh girly comment from me but serious…it’s wrong.

I bumped into Sophie today. I haven’t seen her in ages. She had her girlfriend sitting on her lap. Bless. They’re such a sweet couple. Both really typical lesbians..butch lesbians haha. Aw but they’re so nice. I wanted to stay and have a chat with Sophie but I had to get back to work. I was on my lunch break and I kinda felt like I was intruding. I don’t know why I always do with her friends. They’re sort of…oh man this is gonna sound wrong and stuck-up. They’re people who don’t care about fashion, don’t care what people think about them, have always been the outkasts and just don’t care. Fucking good on ’em. That’s why I’m mates with Sophie because she doesn’t give a shit if she’s a butch lesbian who wears tracky bottoms and old trainers and has a short messy boys haircut. And I worry. I mean, it was worse because I was in my work uniform and we have to look fashionable but…I feel kind of…selfconscious that I’m a conformist. Selfconscious that i can’t just be myself. (not to say it’s not part of me to love shopping and fashions and makeup) oh blah this is making no sense but you get what I mean haha.

What else did I want to talk about?

Henry. Henry, Henry, Henry. My darling, Henry. I miss him so so much. I need to check out my rota for next week and let him know every day that I’m free. He gets first dibs and I’ll go see him in Norwich. Just want to spend some time with him. I feel like we’re not talking. It’s like a relationship gone stale haha. We’re just…not getting the chance to speak and when we do get the chance we just don’t. I’m afraid that he feels like I’m leaving him for Jordan. I’m really, really not. Or maybe he’s just too busy. Or maybe…we’re just ‘growing apart’. No. No, no, no. That aint happening. *sigh* Maybe after I get the time to see him it will be a lot better. Hopefully.

I can’t be bothered to ramble anymore. Josh keeps fucking nudging me on MSN. I’ve been having a go at him about it recently and swearing at him haha. Now he’s started nudging me then saying “sorry, I keep forgetting” “JOSH! If you fucking nudge me one more time…I swear…”

J just sent you a Nudge!
J says:
oops sorry keep forgetting
‘bro bro chekin you mutha fucka’ says:
for fucks sake josh. don’t fucking nudge me – how many times??

Lauren xx

EDIT: Just as I finished this entry I got a call in the intercom fro my mum to ask me to quickly go help her. She sounded in pain so I ran downstairs. There was blood everywhere. She smashed a glass and stood on a bit and it went right up into her foot. It was about…1.5cm long? and about 3mm in diameter and I had to grab hold of it with my fingernails and pull it out. I have blood under my fingernails. There is blood stains all over the kitchen floor. I sweeped up all the glass all the while shouting at my dog to be quiet. He came in to see what was going on – heard my mum in pain obviously and walked straight through the glass so I had to drag him into the living room and shut him in. He didn’t like that at all. My mum coudn’t keep him away because she didn’t want to go onto any carpets. Anyway, enough about blood.