Well, a few days ago, I finally broke down and just told “Joe” everything I was feeling and why. He sat quietly and listened while I spilled it all out. I was in tears the entire time and I felt so utterly vulnerable, which was hard for me since we were on Skype video as usual. I was just so overwhelmed with so many emotions that I’ve been trying to stuff down to try be patient(which is extremely hard for me when I really want something). When I was done I could tell that things had shifted…I know it sounds crazy but I could feel it. And then it happened…his wall finally came down and he spilled out a bunch of the feelings he has been holding back. He told me how much he loves me and wants to be with me, how he was cautious about telling me because he doesn’t want to jinx anything. He said he doesn’t want “us” to just be brief like it was in the past. He said he wants a future with me and wants to make sure it works this time. We both agree that it feels right and that it’s finally the time for us to be together after 23 years of loving each other and being best friends. He said he also keeps wondering “Is this really real???” just like I do but we both know it is and we love it…it’s just surreal. I cried the entire time he spoke, not from sadness but relief and joy. He was in tears as well which was so very touching. He said he was sorry for not letting the wall down sooner. I told him it needed to be when he was ready and I thanked him for being so open and honest.

Since then things have felt more open. I can tell he is still cautious but his wall is still down. He constantly calls me “babe” and “baby” now and every single time it warms my heart. He still has not made a decision of when I am going to fly down…and now there’s a cruise option in January(long story that I will share later)…but he said we’d talk about it this weekend so we will probably talk about it tonight in our nightly 2+ hour video call. He will be home and calling soon so I am going to go for now.