Top Ten

Top Ten Reasons Why California Should Be Its Own Country
(aka how California will never cease to amaze me)

1. No shirt, no shoes, no service? Doesn’t apply here. You want to walk into the mall in a bikini or swim trunks? Go right ahead. You and every other douche bag are doing it anyway. At first I just thought that this was a hobo thing because it was so hot outside, but no, everyone does it. It’s disgusting, because not only are these people sweaty and gross, but hairy. Gross.
2. Speaking of shoes, no one here wears them. Everyday I’m on campus I’ll see at least 5+ people that will be walking around barefoot. Maybe I’m too use to living in a city where hobos shit on the street, but I would never ever ever walk around barefoot outside of my own house/backyard/beach area. And on a university campus? Can you have a little tact please?
3. Every girl is a size zero, tan, blonde, and wears short shorts. This is the “California girl” look. The only thing that makes this worse for me (read: not a size zero), is people telling me that I don’t “look like” I’m “from California”. Gee thanks.
4. Worst. Drivers. Ever. It is impossible to use a turn signal, and in fact I counted the number of people I saw using turn signals yesterday on my way home from school (about 25 miles), and there were four. Four people. The only way I can justify this is maybe they were taught in drivers ed that if you use your turn signal your hand will fall off. Also, using a turn lane when turning? Out of the question. No, I’m not going to use the lane that is DEVOTED to turning, instead I will slow down to eight miles per hour in the driving lane (no blinkers either, so the people behind me just think I’m retarded and can’t function behind the wheel of a car), then make a turn right from that same lane. Fuck turning lanes.
5. My family practioner offers cosmetic surgery, including botox. Family practioner, no toys in the waiting room or big ugly fishtanks, but lots and lots of botox. WTF?
6. Strip malls. What the hell, why do you need nine thousand strip malls? In Wheatland, a town of maybe 5000 people, they are building like three new strip malls. Why! No one needs that many fucking nail salons, okay?
7. Safety labels on everything. This is a law, but a fucking retarded one. Has anyone ever heard of survival of the fittest, Darwin’s theory of evolution, the weak will die and the strong will survive, blah blah blah..? There was a label when we bought our new car that said something to the effect of, “the gasoline that runs this car is known to cause cancer/death if inhaled or consumed”. If someone is too fucking stupid to realize that you shouldn’t inhale/ingest the gasoline from a car, then go ahead and do it. We don’t need you diluting the gene pool anymore. Kthnxbye.
8. I realize you can afford to buy a H2 and also afford to pay for the gas to feed that nine miles per gallon beast, but stop stealing all my goddamn gasoline and polluting the already fucking horrible air (that I swear to christ is giving me the black lung). Drive something that gets, I don’t know, fifteen miles to the gallon at least. Jackass. On the topic of H2s, and other big ugly shitty vehicles that compensate you for your tiny little penis, why must everyone driving these cut you off? Is this a law? You drive a big yellow H2, you HAVE to cut everyone off? Did I miss a fucking meeting?
9. The highways. These are the most poorly designed highways I’ve ever seen. On I-80 (a major, major highway here in the Sacramento area), it is six lanes, nice and smooth. Then, as soon as you hit the Placer county line (where I live), it immediately drops to three lanes. This is a complete cluster fuck everytime and anytime I drive this highway (everyday). The only thing making it worse is that there is a lane and a half of empty space, shoulder space, on each side of the highway. They won’t pave it and let us use it, they just want to leave it there. Empty. Fuckers.

10. Bottom line is courtesy. I’ve been in almost every state in the United States (I’m missing about ten, I believe), and never have I encountered people so self-centered in such obvious ways, than in California. Never have I experienced the level of rude, beligerent behavior, as I have here. Essentially, in this state, every person thinks the world revolves around them. Need to make a turn? Don’t bother to move to the turn lane because the world will stop for you, just for you, because you’re so fucking special. What the fuck.