holy shit

Jeez. Where to start? SO much has happened in the past month, it’s insane. *begins*

Right, so. I’ve been away for the past three weeks with Aaron, and that has been beyond awesome. I was in New Hampshire with him for 12 days and then up in the Adirondacks with him and his best friend and his family for the past week. I’ve just been realizing how much I love living with him and being with him all the time, I never get sick of him or mad at him or bored with him. I really do love him so much, like I’ve never loved anyone before. And his best friend Justin was so awesome, he’s an incredibly cool guy. I just had the greatest time.

There ends the good stuff.

I had to come home today, and there’s been a really unexpected and incredibly sad death in our extended family that has made life totally surreal for the past day or so. I don’t want to say who it was in here, lest anyone who knew him find out that he passed away in this totally inappropriate way. Most of you never knew him, though, so don’t worry yourselves. Anyways, that’s really been horrible. On the train home from Utica today, I was a wreck. I was so scared to come home–I couldn’t sit still and I was on the verge of tears. I knew home would be sad, and I knew the only way to stay not sad would be to pack for college, and I can’t even think about college without panicking. Plus, I’ve spent the past three weeks with Aaron there whenever I needed him, and since getting on the train at 10 this morning I’ve felt so lonely….which makes me worry about how dependent I’ve become and how in the world I’m going to deal with moving to Minnesota in two weeks. Oh my god. I can’t do this, guys. I can’t.

yes you can, its ok, you can do this

No, no, NO. This is insane. I don’t need all of this right now! I can’t handle it.

Can my friends call me? I need people contact….please…..

*goes off to cry*

::really big hugs:: love you emily.

*more big big hugs* We all love you very much, and you CAN do this. You’re so strong; think of all you’ve been through. We’re all here for you. I know I’m going to come visit you sometime in September or October. You’re going to make friends and feel cozy…remember how you felt at home and stuff at the cooky house? *hugs again* You CAN do this. It won’t be the same, but it might be good in

its own way. 🙂 No one’s going to forget you. (How could we?) *hug* *stops rambling* 🙂

Sometimes I don’t leave notes because anything I say would be unnecessary and meaningless :- Not sure it’s my place, but *hug*

be well. (-:

((big big hugs)) Em, I’m sorry…but really I think you’ll be okay. I know the feeling of feeling lonely and then having the secondary thought of thinking you’re too dependent…and then becoming increasingly anxious about that. And I know that that feeling sucks, alot. I’m really sorry that you feel that way. But, honestly, as you told me..your friends, your close ones, will always stick by

…by you. I know that I will always be here for you, no matter what happens. Separation from Aaron may very well be hard, but you guys are great together and I know that you both can make the distance work. Anyway, I’ll stop blabbering now…I’m sorry if this has been totally unhelpful. I love you lots and ((huge massive teddy bear hugs)):-) ~

*hug* jennyfer love emily. That is freaky about the song. And if you get feeling bad at Carleton, go eat cookies, okay? I know that isn’t enough, but what else can I say? You’ve always got us Hopkins brats, even if you’ve spent 6 years trying to get away from us. You can’t escape. So don’t try. We always love you. So have no fear. This really isn’t coming out the way I wanted it to, but I think

you know what I mean.

hey no prob, feel free to talk to me anytime, by the way which utica where ya at?