hrm

*sighs*
*yawns*
*scratches her nose*
Hi all.

You know, I sorta was thinking tonight. *nods* I realized that I am almost never anxious without it relating to nausea/my stomach somehow. I think that when it comes down to it, I’m just completely unable to differentiate between nausea and anxiety. So whenever I feel slightly sick, I get anxious, and then that feels like I’m more nauseous, and that snowballs….and whenever I feel slightly anxious, I think it’s nausea, and then I get more anxious, and then I feel even worse, and so on. I actually think this is the root of all my panic attacks and my anxiety. And you know what? It SUCKS. And I hate it. And I want it to go away.

You don’t understand. I’ve had this for 13 YEARS. THAT’S TOO LONG. I want it to go away NOW. Can someone tell me how?

———————

To each his Dulcinea
that he alone can name,
To each a secret hiding place
where he can find the haunting face
to light his secret flame

For with his Dulcinea
beside him so to stand,
A man can do quite anything:
outfly the bird upon the wing,
hold moonlight in his hand

Yet if you build your life on dreams,
it’s prudent to recall:
A man with moonlight in his hands
has nothing there at all…

There is no Dulcinea
She’s made of flame and air,
And yet how lovely life would seem
if every man could weave a dream
to keep him from despair

To each his Dulcinea
Though she’s naught but flame…and…air…

May I just say I love this song. MAN OF LA MANCHA is the most beautiful show I’ve even seen. Dulcinea is Don Quixote’s lady, he thinks she is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. However, her real name is Aldonza, and she is a servant and a prostitute–stubbornly, Quixote refuses to see anything but the beauty within her.

We do all need something, some ideal, to cling to and let guide us through life. But what if the thing we idolize doesn’t exist to the rest of the world? Is it still valid? Can it still guide us? Ugh, this show makes me cry. 😛