more shrinker

Silly man. Being all perceptive and shit.

“You’ve said a lot that you are a very emotional person, and that your life is dictated by your emotions, but I’ve been seeing a contradiction here–after all, you told me you only cried in years of therapy once, when you were asked about leaving Aaron for college, and you’ve always seemed very analytical about your emotion in here. How do you feel about that?”

“Well, you should be able to exert control over your emotions…”

“Who should? You?”

*nervous laugh*

“Go ahead, take ownership of that. Say “I should be able to exert control over my emotions.”

“I should be able to exert control….*trails off* But I know I don’t, not as much as I should, anyways. I should be able to keep a hold of myself more than I do.”

“Agh. Too much “should” in there for me. This sounds like something you’ve picked up somewhere and grabbed onto, not something you believe in yourself–did your family impose this viewpoint on you?”

“Probably….yeah, yeah, pretty much. *sighs* I AM an emotional person. But I hate showing it. Because its a sign of weakness. So I have a pretty tight control over most of my feelings. People think I’m emotional–they haven’t seen the half of it *laughs again, nervously*.”

“That makes more sense–and yeah, even your way of talking about it has been a way of exerting control, almost. Distancing yourself with comments in the second person, “you should” and “you would”, and analyzing so much–that’s all in and of itself a display of control.”

*nods defeatedly and half-smiles*

…..

Arrrr. Silly. Silly for being right in 4 sessions when my friends for years still never noticed. Silly for figuring out something about me before *I* really ever even got it. Silly for being good.

😛