choices

do you remember me?

are you haunted? do i visit in your dreams, long hair streaming behind me, wide eyed, anticipating?

do you wake up breathless or afraid? hurt or ashamed?

do you remember me? did you ever really see me? if you never really saw me how do you remember me? do i exist as a character in your fantasy land inside your head? i played that role for a very long time. i played the girl of who you wanted me to be

but i was never really her

does he dream about me? does he wake up breathless, hard and aching for me?

tell me about the garden, the ocean, tell me all the secrets. lets’ go on adventures. take me to draw bridges, cliffs, caves, places where fairies live. take me to jump off waterfalls, cliffs, towers, take me somewhere anywhere

do you think about it? do you picture it….poised on the brink of ocean adn sky or love and life of the ultimate vow. i see it in my dreams, in my mind. i see wind blowing heavy damp air, i see waves rushing at the cliff. i see my long long hair blowing to one side and flowers falling like rain over the edge. i see color adn flowers and a cake and champagne and you and me balanced against it all. how long can we balance?

she asked me yesterday about love, about vowing to love someone for your whole life. its about sharing your life with someone else, with someone you love with your whole being. i can’t explain the love i feel for the love in my life. i love him with my whole body, with my heart and every hearbeat, with the essence of whatever is my soul. i love him with the power of the ocean and teh sky. i can’t describe it any better. there is no other choice. maybe you will love someone else along the way but the point is you took a vow, an oath to share you life and your love with him. that is all that matters. don’t take it lightly.

he is my soul, my strength, my heart, my light. he is the ocean i swim in , the sky i fall into , the cliff we jump off of. when its this organic i feel like it is the real thing. I feel like unless your living it you can’t understand it.

she’s sleepign with someone else’s fiance. how? how can you tell someone you are ready to take the oath, say the vows and sleep with someone else? i feel like if that’s happeneing its not real. you aren’t where you’re suppossed ot be. don’t be afraid just let it go.

its that way for other things too. if it feels wrong don’t do it. the choice is always there. if you are willing to lose everything then go ahead. if you were where you were suppossed to be it wouldn’t happen like that. if you are with a girl you love in teh purest way you won’t sleep with someone else. if you love your child more than anything you wouldn’t let anyone or anything hurt it. you would make the other choice.

life is about choices and we choose.

i choose the cliff and the flowers and the love i feel like its flooding my own veins.

i chose this