Cal: Highlights For The Week

1. Shot out the tires of a BMW that honked at me while I was crossing its path.

2. Spent an entire day, blacking out the "T" in "Thuglife" tags around the city. I want them to think its an inside job by a sensitive member of the gang.

3. Sacrificed one of my friendships for a curiosity fuck. It wasn’t worth it.

4. Spent five minutes trying to out-bark a dog behind a wooden fence.

5. Peed in my sleep and woke up lying in the bathtub with the shower still running. Victory was mine.

6. Correctly guessed the number of the page where the first sex scene took place in my latest romance trash. Page 94 and her milky white bosom was heaving with want.

7. Selected the most obvious song on the jukebox so I could hear the groans across the bar.

8. Jump roped for an hour outside of 24 Hour fitness where the members could see me.

9. Ordered a side of sweet potato fries for the girl sitting alone in the corner. Her boyfriend showed up and looked suspiciously around the room.

10. Fell asleep to the original Dawn of the Dead.