Jamie and Daniel

I met with Jamie at the tracks where she used to sneek out and smoke pot with her friends.  I hadn’t seen her in five years. 

I flew out to Fort Collins when she called to tell me our father had died.  The moment she called, Dana’s hand was down my pants, jerking me off as we backed up into the bedroom, but I glanced over at my phone and Jamie’s name was lit up on the screen, and I had to tell Dana to let go because I wasn’t about to speak to my sister with a hand on my cock.

Jamie’s voice trembled out of the earpiece and then she dropped the bomb on me.  Then there was nothing, like she was waiting for my reaction.

"What do you want me to say Jamie?"

Silence on the other line.  She was crying.

"Is that why you called me up?  So I could listen to you cry?"

"…you…don’t you feel anything?"

"…to be honest, no I don’t- I don’t have those instantaneous breakdowns like you do- you barely gave me a chance think about this-"

"HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU NEED DANIEL- DAD is DEAD."

"I fucking heard you…but I’m not hearing this."

I hung up the phone and willed Dana to go away.  She stood there with her arms folded, branding a, "Well?" look to perfection.  At that moment I hated her, but of course she didn’t know.

"What happened," she said.  "Daniel."

"I need to be alone for awhile," I said, but I didn’t expect her to go.  So I slipped on my shoes while Dana tossed a few questions at me- like horseshoes, but they all fell short, or I didn’t hear her, or I didn’t want to, so I turned her off.

A week later I’m sitting next to Jamie and she’s cupping a couple of shiny copper coins that used to be pennies, flattened by a train before my arrival.  She always loved to do that.

There was no big embrace, she just sat in silence and I sat next to her on the rail.  I was still getting over the fact that I was in my hometown, but now to top it off there wouldn’t be anyone waiting for us at the trailer park.  I picked up a rock and tossed it at a  discarded Budweiser.

"How’d you get here," she said.

"Eli gave me a ride."

"Does he know why you’re here?"

"Nah, I didn’t want to explain, I just told him I was picking up some stuff that I left behind.  He wants me to go drinking with him at Shooters."

"I’m sorry I couldn’t pick you up at the airport."

"That’s alright.  Did you get your car back?"

"No, I didn’t even take it in.  I was hoping you could look at it."

"Yeah sure."

I love working on cars, so it’s not like it was a selfish request- she knew this.  I noted Jamie was wearing our father’s leather jacket.  Her hair was tied back and little silver shamrocks dangled from her ears.  She looked a little bigger from when I last saw her, but of course that wasn’t something I would note out loud.  My sister’s weight was never a topic of conversation, but I knew she thought about it every day. 

"You couldn’t come to the funeral," she said.  I didn’t detect any disgust in her voice, just curiosity.

"Yeah…I couldn’t get out of work."

"A family emergency and you can’t get out of work?  They can’t do that."

"No, no- it’s not that….this is gonna sound bad."

"Well, anything bad is appropriate right now so just say it, I don’t care."

"I already used…that excuse once.  I told them Dad died already."

Jamie stared at me and shook her head left to right several times.

"I just needed a fucking break, I’m going to hell- I know it, but at the time I couldn’t think of anything good, but everyone knows that he’s sick because I had to talk about it with a fucking manager after- I fell apart at work and they were going to get rid of me because I sort of flipped out on a customer and then I had a sit down with this one prick who kept prying me about my problems like it was all work related and how unhappy I must be- BASICALLY- he was just trying to get me to quit because they don’t like me so much over there and at the time losing this job seemed like the worst fucking thing in the world so I started balling.  Right in front of this bastard and I hate myself for letting this souless fuck gain access to this side of me when he’s the last person in the world that I would want to open up to…anyway…you can imagine how uncomfortable it was and the motherfucker wanted an answer so I told him about Dad.

They gave me a week off to visit him."
 
"What did you use the time for?"

"I was falling behind on some stuff and I just needed a break.  The one good thing that came out of it was Dana- I met this cool chick in Universal City and we’re going out now."

She sighed and lit up a cigarette.  I grabbed one from her pack and played with the idea of actually lighting up.  Jamie thought I still smoked anyway, so I could throw away those 2 months an in instant and not feel guilty because the only people that might actually lecture me were in Los Angeles.

"Is he at Forest Lawn?"

"Yeah."

"Should we walk?"

"Yeah."

We walked the tracks.

"Can I get a light?"

She gave me her cigarette.

"Harriet showed up at the funeral," she said.  2nd bomb.

"What?"

"She fell apart in front of everybody.  Everyone asked me, "Who is this woman?" and told them I wasn’t sure.  I should’ve said, number 27."

"Yeah, that’s about right.  Did she throw herself on the casket?"

"She fell down actually."

I laughed.  "Pretty dramatic."

"Not really, she just tripped over someone’s flowers.  She kept walking over the graves- I hate that!"

"Did she say anything to you?"

"Just you know…sorry,..I loved your father."

"She loved his cock, she should’ve said that…wow, this is turning out to be the ultimate stalker case."

"But now she doesn’t have to chase him."

"Right…did he get a nice spot?"

"What does it matter, he’s underground like everyone else.  He doesn’t get to enjoy the view."

Fell into silence.  I guess it didn’t matter, she was right. 

I did a balancing act on the right rail while Jamie took up the wood tracks.  She stepped close to me a couple times, knowing it would throw me off balance and I would have to step down to the grass. She chuckled, satisfied.