silliness (fiction)

silliness.

(unwrapping fortune cookies)

Me- You’re not supposed to crack it open first.

Her- What…I’m supposed to EAT my fortune?

Me- Then you poop it out then read it.

Her- I can regurgitate it.

Me- Let me see.

Her- I’m not doing it here.

Me- We can go under the table.

Her- Oh…

Me- What’s it say.

Her- "Eat me and I’ll go straight to your ass."

Me- Let me see. 

Her- Let me see yours.  (grins)  Show me yours and I’ll show you mine.

Me- Ohh, me likey. (they exchange)

Her- You will gain admiration from your peers…BORING.

Me- You’re not my peers obviously. "Your heart will always make itself known through words- YOUR words." 

Her- Damn straight my words.

Me-  What does your heart say now?

Her- (growls) It burrrnns.

(he laughs)

Me- Stomach isn’t agreeing with it?

Her- Stomach, heart…

Me- Boophole?

Her- No.  Thank God.

Me- Have some water.

Her- I’m fine. I’m fine.

Me- What do you want to do now?

Her- I have to go back and feed Macy.

Me- Ok.

Her- Then we can do whatever.

Me- Movie?

Her- No thank you.

Me- Walk?

Her- Maybe.

Me- Book store?

Her- Meh.

Me- Tattoo?

Her- No.

Me- Shaved ice?

Her- No.

Me- Spit on a hobo?

Her- Then we’d have to find one.

Me- Hobo hunt?

Her- No.

Me- Molest a child?

Her- GOD!

Me- Just testing the waters. I don’t really care.

Her- We can get candy.

Me- What are you five?

Her- (squeeks) Yes.

Me- What kind of candy?

Her- Gummybears.

Me- You’re so adorable when you say that.  I want to give you a bonnet.

Her- Get me gummy bears instead.

Me- Alright.  Where?

Her- Gummybear store.

Me- Drop that voice, it’s creeping me out.  What should I leave for tip?

Her- Gummybear store. (laughs)

Me- You okay?

Her- Let’s go- here.

Me- That too much?

Her- He was nice.

Me- I’ll put in another dollar.

Her- You need it for parking.

Me- Right right- shit, I better validate this.

Her- I’m gonna use the bathroom.

Me- Do you want a to go box?

Her- No- keep that away from me.

Me- I’ll wait for you.

Her- You should call Macy- here’s my phone.

Me- Call Macy?

Her- She knows I’m on my way if you call and let it ring TWICE.

Me- It’s a goddamn cat.

Her- She’s smarter than YOU. 

Me-  Does she pick up?

Her- No…she screens her calls (cackles her way to bathroom)

(chuckles)

(he dials)

(it rings)

(after the 4th ring)

"This is Danielle AND MACY…leave a meow-sage."

"BEEP!"

Him- Hey, just wanted to let you know, mommy will not be coming home tonight to feed you, so I hope you like the taste of empty cat dish- good luck muthafucka!  (evil laugh)