The Cow (Rated R)
The Cow
There was a cow with a stupid look on his face, chewing on an avocado. There was a barb wire fence between the two of us. He had a giant pasture to run around in, but he favored the shade under the avocado tree- a special yum yum treat for cows. I could’ve kept walking, but some how the mere sight of a cow always managed to irritate me with its blinding neutralness. It made me want to disturb it.
"Hey! ASSHOLE!"
The cow stopped chewing momentarily and stared.
"HOW NOW BROWN COW? You know you’re the color of shit?"
I flipped the cow off. The cow’s expression didn’t change. I made stupid faces and baby noises. I made sudden movements so the cow would flinch. I grabbed onto the fence and shook it like I was being electrocuted.
Then in a gravelly muppet-esque voice I bellowed,
"FUUUUUUCKKK….YOUUUUUUUU!" followed by a barrage of farting noises that I blew into my arm, exploding with ferocity.
The cow stared with wide-eyed sincerity. It wouldn’t dare start chewing again.
"MOOOOOOOOOOOooooo-oooove!" I yelled, throwing a stick at him. The stick fell to his right and the cow didn’t move. This pissed me off more.
"OOOOOWAGERAHHHH!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and jump kicked the air, launching my shoe into orbit, soaring over the cow’s head.
"FUCK!"
THE END
You could have gone and retrived your shoe, the cow would have been too neutral to bother you!
Warning Comment
You could have gone and retrived your shoe, the cow would have been too neutral to bother you!
Warning Comment
You could have gone and retrived your shoe, the cow would have been too neutral to bother you!
Warning Comment
You could have gone and retrived your shoe, the cow would have been too neutral to bother you!
Warning Comment
F*ckin’ cows, anyway. I’m not a big fan of them either. Unless there’s a small chunk of a cow on my plate. Medium rare, please. (gruesome? Nah…)
Warning Comment
F*ckin’ cows, anyway. I’m not a big fan of them either. Unless there’s a small chunk of a cow on my plate. Medium rare, please. (gruesome? Nah…)
Warning Comment
F*ckin’ cows, anyway. I’m not a big fan of them either. Unless there’s a small chunk of a cow on my plate. Medium rare, please. (gruesome? Nah…)
Warning Comment
F*ckin’ cows, anyway. I’m not a big fan of them either. Unless there’s a small chunk of a cow on my plate. Medium rare, please. (gruesome? Nah…)
Warning Comment