Three days in total loneliness
Three days in total loneliness. All alone, with out one person knowing the feelings deep inside me. The grief I hold inside. The fact is, I am alone, there lies the loneliness, the fears, the things I wish I didnt have to face everyday. The hope I hold is dissipating, its leaving my soul, my heart feeling empty. Does anyone see me here? Spending hours alone, feeling as if nothing I could ever want will ever happen. I cry, the tears burn, my eyes cant see. I know Im alone now, the person I thought I could trust is not here. Is not around… the best friend Ive known now for about a year puts up with abuse that the first time my exhusband did to me, I left. Where am I now? Feeling like shes betrayed herself. Hurt herself. How do I help her? And how do I help myself. I thought I was over him, I thought I could go on without thinking of him. Its not that easy, its harder then Id ever thought it would be. Harder then the truth, harder then a fantasy. What do I do… I keep asking myself…. What did I do wrong? What should I do to fix it? Does anyone even notice me here, hurting, in pain like I am? They say, If he hurts you!!! and If you hurt him!!! but look at me, Who is the one hurting? Who is the one crying because the plans that were made, were forgotten… I want to get trashed, then when I try, a little thing called guilt comes in. The children I have to look after, the work I have to do. When will I get time for me? Two summers ago, that long, long walk is what I got…Time for me. Its been almost 2 years, and all I feel now is pain… emptiness, a huge void that may never be filled. How do I fill that void and go on? How do I work on it? What do I do? Yes, its sad… and yes… Im alone again… with nothing…