Whats goin on?

i relaly font know what is going on.. i dont know why it is I feel like i am falling apart.. Am I looseing all hope… or is it just going to be all good tomz? Do i feel like I am looseing control…???

The thing is money has the control… And I dont have the monies like i usaed to… i used to be able to look after myself without dpeneding on others…

why am i so worryed aboput looseing what i have with Christie… Why am i scared that i am going to loose the closeness i have with Christie… it seems to mean so much to me what Christie tyhinks of me… is that a bad thing? yes it can be a bad thing… that means she couyld very well control me… use me… Do what ever she likes to me… just like what my sister did to manny… manny liked Cassie so much… She could even cheat on him.. And he would still love her to bits in his mind…

I think i am stressing over all this to much… And even tho i know the chances are that Christie will read all this… And she might not like what she is reading… But the thing is.. This is one side of me out of the many.. it might not be a side that comes out very often.. But i guess this is what happens when u let everythink build up inside of you…

it all has to come out at some stage…

i sit here and i amj hap[py over the fact that Christie seemed her happy self today and that i got to see her being her happy self… its as if i dont shut up about Christie… i look bak over what is Christie and all there is is Christie this Christie that… but like i said earlyer.. The only thing that seems to be going right for me is Christie…

i bet that is one thing that Chriostie doesn’t think about… she might know me pretty well as a person… But i wonder what she knows about how my day to day life is… And how it affects me!!!!