Guide to Alleviate Severe Depression

Firstly, refuse to accept the reality that you are not okay. Continue chugging along as though life is grand and balance as many plates as you possibly can hold while maintaining a smile (make that smile look real!).

Next, have a series of breakdowns. These must consist of: crying spells in your office and on the way home from work (bonus if you add some in the shower and while alone at night), anxiety/panic attacks on a weekly basis minimum, get frustrated over very simplistic things, and become paranoid that everyone hates you.

Following this, shut everyone out for a bit. Go ghost. This can also be completed during step one and two for even further progression and domino effect leading to severe depression. Might as well kill two birds with one stone if you can! And don’t forget episodes of insomnia.

(If you can reach peak severity, quit your job on a whim and drop out of your master’s program)

After this, realize you have people to turn to! Turn to the them! They said they are always here for you. Talk. Lean on them for support. Get it off your chest. Embrace their love and friendship knowing that you would do the same for them without question!

Now here is a huge part of this recipe- wait for everyone to get sick of you. How do you know? Your closest sister will threaten to remove you from her life as they feel you aren’t present enough. Notice your friends avoiding you and find out they are having girl nights and parties you aren’t invited to (bonus if this includes your best friend who you consider a sister!). Listen as your significant other goes on a drunken tangent about how depressing you are to be around and how lazy you have gotten. Hear the way he frames the words as he reveals to you that your friend group has expressed their avoidance because of your melancholy state.

Once these steps have been completed and you are desperate to gain their love back- learn to smile again (Remember, make it look real)! Tell everyone how wonderful you’re doing now as they helped you realize how terrible you’d gotten and now you fixed it! Think of some funny, happy go lucky stories to tell (even if you have to make it up). Bake goodies, buy gifts, and treat friends to outtings so they can see you are really trying and happy to be yourself again! Because this was something you always did before that you loved to do.

There. You’re fixed. You’re ALL BETTER.