Like Clockwork

It’s that time. The time that I stare at the clock in my office, waiting for the moment I can clock out and head out the door to rush home and have a drink. The urge is still here. I want to just stop. Just STOP. Not have to think about any of it and instead look forward to something healthy like going home and baking cookies or painting, or even just going for a walk.

I’ve been trying for a while to quit. It wasn’t until very recently I realized it was truly going to be one of the hardest things I have had to do…

I did research to find alternatives. There are AA meetings but the problem with being a group therapist is that I pretty much have a 90% chance of running into someone I have worked with. Not to mention, I don’t believe in giving myself to a higher power in the way the meetings are constructed. I found a resource for LifeRing which is a very promising program as it is non-denominational and puts sobriety in the hands of the addict, not the higher power. I plan to attend a meeting via zoom this weekend.

I’ve done some research and downloaded audio books as well as books on my Kindle to read/listen to as encouragement. I’m also considering tapering rather than completely stopping as I have had withdrawal symptoms in the past which has been the primary reason I haven’t been able to make it very far. I am continuing this research in an effort to find what is best for me. I had to put on my thinking cap as a therapist and realize that everyone is different, and one treatment option is not the same for all.

Once I have understood how to taper, I will give it a shot (no pun intended) and if I fail at that I will turn to the last resort- taking Disulfiram. If I can’t will myself to stop then I will find something that will force me to stop.