Nearly the end of 2012

I’m now a few days older than my dad was when he died in 1977. I was 15 then and I’m 50 something now.

He was, I think, more than a little out of his depth, with two teenagers to raise, by himself, since his wife died five months before. He was an aerospace engineer, and knew all kinds of math and formulas and how to make things do things, but he didn’t, I guess, know much of anything about kids or teenagers.

He died and trusted his wife’s brother to take care of his kids, which turns out to have been a mistake that ruined those kid’s lives. His own brother was in no shape to take care of his kids, and they did not see each other for over 30 years; by the time they all met again, they were all strangers to each other.  So much for "family".

Having watched my adoptive parents die when I was a teenager – being orphaned at 15 – I never wanted to do that to any of my kids, so I decided then that I would not have any kids. I was sort of fortunate to marry a woman who didn’t want to have kids of her own either, so we didn’t and don’t have any children. And, no marriage either, now, since we got divorced in 1995, 17 years ago and five years longer than we were married.

I’m sitting here alone in my studio apartment on a Saturday night (Sunday morning by the time I finish this) watching reruns on TV, thinking, "what would it have been like?" On the whole, I’m glad I didn’t have any kids. I’ve asked my former wife about it; she says she’s glad her sister stepped up, having three kids. My ex is in menopause now (a reason she didn’t come to see me this summer – she said she didn’t want to "bite my head off" in a hot-flash) and says she doesn’t regret it either.

Well. On the other hand, I am alone now and it looks like I will be until the end of my life, whenever that might be. I don’t have any money, I don’t have a job, I’m living well beyond my means (but then, my "means" wouldn’t even pay for the funeral, or even a date, anyway)

The lack of work out of those government millionaires means that there’s going to be no more Unemployment for me or for millions of other people. They will never have to worry about that lack of money; after the second term in Congress, those people get a life-time paycheck and never have to pay for their health care again, ever, even if their buddies in industry and corporations don’t give them a job.  They have no worries ever again, riding that gravy train.

THIS is not a gravy train; this is two steps above homelessness and IS living in Public Housing – maybe only one step above having no place to live..

If I had had any kids, well, they’d probably hate their dad being a "burden" on them too.

*****