February 3, 2006

Ok, so this is the hard part, right?

I loudly praised my van, so I can just as roundly condemn it, right? It stalled on me twice going over to A’s house tonight, and twice on the way home. I took the side streets as a precaution – I do not wanna see the freeway that close. Good thing, cuz the damn thing stalled once, in a bad place to stop, and restarted. I got 16 more blocks home and it died again. I had enough momentum to guide it to the curb in what looked like a safe place to stop and tried to restart it.

Nothing.

(long string of words I don’t feel like writing too- use your imagination)

I am a superstitious cat. The last three times this has happened, it restarted after a few minutes while I was on the cell to someone. I called A and bitched. He said to wait a few, smoke one, and retry it. Wtf, I figured, why not.

I know it’s 21 blocks to the next bus stop that goes near my home and I didn’t want to walk. I smoked one and lit up a camel and I turned the key.

It started.

Ok, ok. I take back most of what I said – all of it if you get me home, van.

And it did. Got me home and is down in the parking lot. I could go over to that window there and look down and there’d it be.

And that’s where it’s gonna stay. Un – fucking – reliable….. I don’t do well with uncertainty any more. I don’t want to deal with a fucked up car. Again.

Rent is due – has been due, but is not late until after Monday. I get paid Monday. Not much of a problem. Except the van will stay parked and my pay will go down, since my boss pays me expenses. If I use his stepvan, he doesn’t need to pay me for my insurance or gas and maintenance. That’ll be almost a hundred bucks a week less. I’m living on the edge now, this fucks everything.

Oh, I’ll survive, I always have, but fuck this shit. Every time I get a little ahead I get sent back. All the way. I don’t need any more practise at starting over, I have done that all my fucking life. One godamn thing after another harshes my cool, dude.

All this self-focus sucks too.

*****

Yeah, I’ll talk to the boss about it – it’s cheaper for him to pay my expenses than it is for him to pay his on the 7 mpg stepvan.

LightButHearty

February 4, 2006

What’s your guess on the stalling…water in the fuel line? Bad fuel? Alternator? This sucks hugely too.

LilyCat

With all that horrendous rain, I wonder if your above noter may be on to something. I’m pullin’ for ya, my friend. I know what its like to live on the edge.

My ar started doing that and it turned out to be the ignition switch was intermittently working – they blamed it on too heavy a keyring sitting in it for too long — maybe it is something like that? Or the wet weather. I know what youmean about he wanting it to be reliable- what a bummer. That sinking feeling in your gut – wahhh. I hope it’s something minor.

woman in the moon

February 5, 2006

I hope and trust you’ll get things back together. Happiness, cat, really. ~ And thanks for my Sunday paper.

Pool of Light

I hope it’s something easily & cheaply fixed. Just remember to keep breathing. 😉

sylverling

I know how you feel to an extent. I feel that that’s the way it is for us a lot, too. Once we get ahead, something comes along and sets up right back to the beginning. I hope you can work this out so you can feel comfortable again soon. Take care.

RYN: Well then, all the more we should read each other. You married someone from Japan. My brother did, too. In a wierdly roundabout way, we can be friends, you and I. Especially since I appreciate home delivery of my Los Angeles Times and until April, my much-appreciated Wall Street Journal. If I won the Lotto, I would always make sure I got the Wall Street Journal. It’s the First in news.

I’ll bet its an obstruction in you fuel line. My dad used to take the tire pump (we had lots of flats), disconnect the furel line and blow air into. That seemed to help for a week or two.

Alter Idem

That’s why I ditched my pickup at my first chance. It was on its last leg and I wanted it to be somebody else’s problem. RYN: I’m guessing Paul Simon. 🙂 You might like the Tonic. It’s melodic.

oof. I completely understand about being on the edge, one tiny thing goes wrong, and money drops dramatically. One has to wonder what to give up eating, or what one can possibly give up now. It’s so hard. I’m so sorry it’s so tight right now. I hope you can get the van fixed and things open up for you in surprising ways so your load is lightened. ryns – thanks. i really like your feedback.