Reflections

 

 The problem with reflecting is that if one is honest and unblinking, what he sees may not conform to his self image.  I was in a car wreck in 1998, almost 12 years ago, and was pretty badly injured, worst of all by a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).  It’s one thing to read about it; it’s entirely another to live through it.  I think, in my humble opinion, that I have done very well, but honestly, I have fucked up here and there, before and after the TBI, and that’s made the bed I lie in today.

I have done rather well, considering:

"Prognosis worsens with the severity of injury.[90] Most TBIs are mild and do not cause permanent or long-term disability; however, all severity levels of TBI have the potential to cause significant, long-lasting disability.[91] Permanent disability is thought to occur in 10% of mild injuries, 66% of moderate injuries, and 100% of severe injuries.[92] Most mild TBI is completely resolved within three weeks, and almost all people with mild TBI are able to live independently and return to the jobs they had before the injury, although a portion have mild cognitive and social impairments.[70] Over 90% of people with moderate TBI are able to live independently, although a portion require assistance in areas such as physical abilities, employment, and financial managing.[70] Most people with severe closed head injury either die or recover enough to live independently; middle ground is less common.[2] Coma, as it is closely related to severity, is a strong predictor of poor outcome.[3]"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_brain_injury

I was severely injured.  I hit my head really hard in the car wreck (I was the victim of a drunk driver.  Unfortunetly, that drunk was me) and they tell me I split my brain in three pieces.  I was in a coma for what? ten days, and then kept in an induced coma for weeks more to manage the brain swelling (poor old brain has no where to go when it swells except to squish up against the bone of the skull.  This is very bad for the brain).

 

 I was in three hopitals for 59 days, and then transferred to an Adult Foster Care Home, where I stayed for 7 and a half months.  An apartment opened up for me in Public Housing in Jaunary 1999; I’m close to my 11 anniversary of moving into this apartment.

 "The outcome for coma and vegetative state depends on the cause, location, severity and extent of neurological damage. A deeper coma alone does not necessarily mean a slimmer chance of recovery, because some people in deep coma recover well while others in a so-called milder coma sometimes fail to improve."

"People may emerge from a coma with a combination of physical, intellectual and psychological difficulties that need special attention. Recovery usually occurs gradually—patients acquire more and more ability to respond. Some patients never progress beyond very basic responses, but many recover full awareness. Regaining consciousness is not instant: in the first days, patients are only awake for a few minutes, and duration of time awake gradually increases. This is unlike the situation in many movies where people who awake from comas are instantly able to continue their normal lives. In reality, the coma patient awakes sometimes in a profound state of confusion, not knowing how they got there and sometimes sufferering from dysphasia, the inability to articulate any speech, and with many other disabilities."

It took me four years to be able to work again.  In 2002 I found some summer work with a crowd management outfit; I got to attend many of the summer events here in Portland.  I was so happy to go back to work; I remember walking the mile back from the bus stop (I got off there so I could walk and exercise my left leg, which got hurt in the car wreck) and saying to myself "I’ve got a job!" and feeling real joy at how far I had come.  I’ve been working steadily since 2003 and full time since 2004, and the recovery has been mostly upwards and onwards.

Reflecting, if you are honest with yourself, is not pleasant, sometimes.  The mistakes tend to stand out – how I got here from there has not always been a straight line.

I’m in a period of reflection and regrouping now.  For three years I was working six and seven days a week – for years prior to that I had wished for more work.  Be careful, they say what you wish for.  I was working beyond my abilities, perhaps, and so I am glad, mostly, to have more time for myself now.

*****

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"The outcome for coma and vegetative state depends on the cause, location, severity and extent of neurological damage. A deeper coma alone does not necessarily mean a slimmer chance of recovery, because some people in deep coma recover well while others in a so-called milder coma sometimes fail to improve.

 

People may emerge from a coma with a combination of physical, intellectual and psychological difficulties that need special attention. Recovery usually occurs gradually—patients acquire more and more ability to respond.

Some patients never progress beyond very basic responses, but many recover full awareness. Regaining consciousness is not instant: in the first days, patients are only awake for a few minutes, and duration of time awake gradually increases. This is unlike the situation in many movies where people who awake from comas are instantly able to continue their normal lives. In reality, the coma patient awakes sometimes in a profound state of confusion, not knowing how they got there and sometimes sufferering from dysphasia, the inability to articulate any speech, and with many other disabilities."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coma