Scattered thoughts (pics)

I hate job searching.

Most of the jobs I’ve had, I didn’t search for, I was told of them or they fell into my lap.

The paper gig?  The convenience store on the corner is run by an older Korean guy, and he told me his son needed a driver for the paper routes he had, was I interested?

Fucking A right I was!

Driving?

I can do that.

***

I had just gotten my license back 2 summers before- it was suspended for three years after the car wreck – a year for the drunk drivng part, another year for not having insurance when I did that, and yet another year for not filing the accident report on time (and no, they didn’t give a damn that I didn’t file it on time because I didn’t even know my own name, much less what knew happend).

It was ok, I didn’t have a car anyway, and even though I knew my name again, I wasn’t really in good enough shape to drive anyway.

***

My friend’s mother died, so she gave me her boat, a 1979 Chrysler Le Baron.  Not one of the smaller ones, a real boat.  Piece of shit it was, but it ran, kind of, so I applied and got my license back early – t’was costly, but SS had paid off one year of disability and I had some cash.  Bought a year of insurance, which was costly too, ‘cuz of the drunk-driving/ continued suspension.

I felt like it was a graduation present of sorts.  ‘Twas the summer of 2000.  Some kids get new convertibles, or trips to Europe, I got an old piece of shit car and made a drive to Stonehenge with K*, up the Columbia at Maryhill, Washington.

***

The store on the corner’s owner told me of the paper job and I took it, January of 2004, and have been working it ever since. 

I was working at the zoo then too, but they’d hired new kids (yeah.  delectible females that the manager wanted to oogle) and cut my hours.  The guy doing the dailies, which I’m doing now, had had a stroke, and the boss desprerately needed another driver, so when the zoo didn’t work out, (I wrote some good entries re that whole thing, but they were lost in Hackergate 04) I went from an iffy job to this one, one that is every day, rain or shine, holiday or no holiday. 

The papers come out every day.

***

So, I have been doing this job for years now.  I like it.  It’s my kind of job. 

I get to drive.

***

Last year, the boss found a minivan in a towyard auction and bought it for $335.  He sold it to me for plus 1%, and I began using that instead of the stepvan.  He paid my gas and insurance and oil, and I drove it for awhile before it became needy.  First, the fuel pump died.  I had, by that time, paid for most of the $337.50 he charged me, but didn’t have the money for the fuel pump, so he got that and added it to my debt.  Then this, that, and the other thing gave up on the van, and before I really knew it, I had spend or borrowed so much on it that I couldn’t just throw all that away, I had to spend "just a little more" on it.  

New tires last year, which my former wife helped me buy – good ones, 70,000 mile tires that did well when it snowed here last winter.  I replaced the struts and shocks this year on the credit account that Les Schwab gave me and the brakes all around too.  (the monthly bill for that came yesterday).

This, that, and the other thing too.

All told, paid for and on credit, I’m a couple of grand into the van, but it runs well now, and it’s been nearly 3000 miles since it’s needed anything, and will likely be thousands more before it does again.

(Oil changes excepted of course- gotta do those no matter what you drive)

(last month in the Gorge)

It became clear months ago that this job wasn’t paying the bills- or rather, that it was, but only that. 

I am dirt fucking poor.

So I resigned myself to going and doing the thankless,disheartening, depressing job search again.

I hate job searching.

***

I was driving along, dropping papers in Milwaukie and had just left the Witchita neighborhood when I saw a sign on a school saying "We Need School Bus Drivers!"

I thought about it for like a week or so, then wrote down the phone number and called them.  I found out where to get the application from and me and Mr. Charming (my alter-ego)  went down to that office, talked to Dawn, the woman there (made her smile, too), and brought home the ap.  I set out to get the recomendation letters it needed, rewrote a resume, drafted a cover letter (which I posted here too); and dropped the whole package off last Tuesday.

It is the only job I’ve applied for anywhere.

I hate job searching.

***

They called me this Tuesday, and gave me an interview tomorrow morning at 9 am.

***

I have the props.

Appearance is the larger share of life in America, in everywhere I’ve ever been.

I looked like an English instructor in Japan and they gave me jobs.

You look like it, you are.

***

I have the suits, the shoes, the nice leather briefcase, the persona.

***

I know

how to polish shoes.

I went to military school and I was in the Navy.

I know how to polish shoes, and I have good looking ones:

I could shave in these polished shoes.

I know how to polish shoes.

***

I have what I need to look good.  I have a decent driving record, even with a DUII.  Even with suspensions – those are the only blemishes on a driving record 28 years long.

I am very upfront about the mistake I made in 98 – I did it, and I have learned from it, and I have not nor ever will repeat it.

***

I am looking forward to this interview and have almost no fears about it.

I can do this.

I will do this.

I will be surprised if I don’t get the job.

***

Confidence?  I got that.

Nice clothes?  I have those.

Nice fancy watch?

Got that too.

I have the props to look good,

and

A slight bit of arrogance?

Yeah, got that too.

***

I can do this

No fears.  No doubts.

Upwards and onwards.

*****