Suicidal tendancies

I don’t have any…but on my job, it’s possible that I may have unconscious ones.

Let me give you some background.

My #25 bus is nearly 22 years old.  Things wear out and get used up, but it runs pretty well (even if it makes ten miles an hour on a hill I have a stop on – accelerating from a dead stop) and I have become used to it’s idiosyncracies.

One thing that has worn out, apparently, is the switch that activates the red student load lights when I turn on the yellow load lights and open the door.  Last week or the week before, another bus passing me told me that my red lights weren’t working, and I wrote it up for maintenance.  My bus was out of service for a day and a half, and I was assigned to #28, an even older bus that has a better engine.

I had barely gotten used to 28 when my 25 bus was returned to me, and I was glad to find that the load lights worked when they should.  Today, during my Middle School run, I saw that the lights were again not working.  I had three more stops after that, but they are off main roads in a neighborhood, so I didn’t worry TOO much, and the lights worked every time.  I didn’t write it up; an auto motive miracle had occured, and my load lights worked.

Every time, until this afternoon, on my Elementary School run.  I have just two stops for a bus full of kids, and the (*&^$ lights did not work either time.  Oooooh shit.  A parent pointed to my lights and mouthed "they don’t work!" to me as I was talking to dispatch, telling them that my load lights don’t work.  I was told to park the bus and that another one would be brought to me.

No real problem; I have 25 minutes or so before my next run, which begins at the North Skills Center and ends at "my" High School.

Except….

The replacement bus didn’t show up for quite a while, and I had time to smoke two cigarettes while I was waiting, and I was late to the Skills Center.  Two buses run from there to my high school, and the lead bus was packed, three to a seat when I got there.  I had just one student on my bus between the Skills Center to the high school.

I was nearly late there too,and was dead last in the lineup, which is not normal.  I got out and stood near my bus, because, when I traded buses, I grabbed the pink magnet sheet off my bus and stuck it on #93, a different kind of bus than I am used to.  I am route 32.

(As a professional driver, I need to be able to get in any vehicle and operate it)

I got in 93 and took off, to get to the skills center a few miles away.  I got on 82nd ave. which has a speed limit of 45 mph and runs by the mall – a "fun" road to drive a school bus on.  I accelerated to the speed of traffic, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw that pink magnet fly off my bus.

Shit.

I went to the Skills Center, got my one boy on board, and drove to the high school and stood outside the bus so that my kids could spot me and get on the right bus.  I have a new stop on that run; someone else’s bus was overlaoded, so some of the kids were tranferred to mine.  Since I had no route number on an unfamiliar bus, I got out to show the kids where it was, loaded all my kids, and took off for home with them.

Turned out that no one got off at the new stop, but many more than usual got off at the stop before.  I think maybe it worked out; I’ll find out tomorrow.

Here’s where the suicidal tendancies come in:

I found and parked 93 in it’s space and swept the hell out of it; as a "spare bus" it has many drivers, few of whom apparently swept and cleaned the bus.  It was less than clean, shall we say.  Even the kids mentioned it.

I finished ceaning the bus, and walked down to dispatch to get another pink magnet, conscientious driver that I wish to be.  No one was in the office, but the Ast. Director was in her office, and I asked her about the magnet.  She said to me "Oh, I’ve been menaing to ask you about a possible fight on your bus".  I have a new digital camera on my 25 bus; it’s hard drive holds about three days worth of video.  She had the drive in her desk machine, and paged threough it until she came to the time in question, which was last Friday.

The digital camera is pretty neat – good resolution.  It even has sound on it.  She ran through the time in question, and there was no fight on my bus, but there was, oh too clearly, a comment I made;

"Fuck you.  You wanna try me?"

said right after I yelled at a kid to sit down.  Looks and sounds appalling…but right then,  I was making a left turn at a spot where no one stops on the stop line; they edge out and nearly prevent buses from making their left turns, and it was another vehicle I was swearing at, not a kid.

But oh my god, it kinda looks and sounds like I am, and that is totally inappropiate.  It is inappropriate that I talk like that on a school bus at all.

OMG.

My mother would have washed my mouth out with soap.  Really.

I have an urge to go do it myself, but I stopped after going to the bank with my papers check and walked across the street after buying cigarettes and bought two airline bottles of Wild Turkey.  Not enough to get in trouble with, but better tasting than soap, for sure.

I meant to write something different… but I’m not sanguine about my future as a school bus driver.  I made a big mistak

e, talking that way on my bus, and wouldn’t be surprised at all to see a suspension in the near future.

I’ll own this, because I can’t evade it, but…

I may have blown my "Driver of the month" chances.

*****