Wow

Wow, it’s RAINING. Buckets are pouring down for hours and I bet we’ve gotten more rain today – in the last few hours – than we did all summer.

I am SO glad I’m not driving a bus in this!

(I can’t believe I did that, drove thousands of miles in an old bus. I usually got, as the new guy, buses dating from the early 80’s. My 09 CAR is hard to drive in this!)

As a mater of fact, the sunroof leaks some too. Wonderful making a left turn and having drops of water fall and hit my hands on the steering wheel. At this point, I can’t do anything about it. I hope I don’t regret that.

***

The neurophychological test I took in the summer noted that I don’t have much "stamina" or "endurance", and I laughed at that, then, because the bus driving job was almost never less than 8 -10 hours and sometimes was 16, door to door. I’m finding it hard to believe that I didn’t screw up worse on that job, the tests noting that I was only good for a few, maybe three hours before my metal abilities fell to low levels. I had that experience today, in fact, with the new job, at TJ Maxx dept. store. Three hours into the four they have me working for, I was yawning and losing focus, and at that point, I was more than happy to say "this is why VocRehab is helping me".

I don’t think this cup of coffee will keep me up; I see or feel a nap in the short term future. It happened with the buses too, but driving – on the highways at least – is fairly easy for me still, even though I was yawning and losing focus then too. A strong determination kept me going, but that is not a good thing, to have a passenger bus driver losing focus and yawning. I wasn’t then or now, physically tired; mentally tired feels different than physical tiredness.

Oh, shit, I think. There may really have been an angel looking out for me, and even though the parked car I "brushed" with my bus, the last time, was absolutely destroyed (Scion cars are not tough) no one got hurt or even much noticed, until one of the passengers said "hey! you hit that car!" The bus had a black streak on it, which rubbed out easily, but the Scion was wrecked completely.

I am glad I don’t do that job any more. I mean, I’m glad I tried because I always wanted to drive a big bus, but I have to thank my Angel that I didn’t do any worse at it!

VocRehab has me doing four hours a day, and when they first told me that, I was like, "I can do more – I have and can again!", but I’m wrong, I really can’t. When I drove down to California in January, after my cat died, I did stop every hour or two and get out and walk around, and since I was on no schedule, I stopped and napped when I felt like it, which I could not do with the bus job – I am amazed I didn’t do worse at it.

My biker friend is still back east, and I have been driving down to feed and water his dog, so today after work, I went there first. I wouldn’t manage to get there until after dark, I don’t think, if I came home and napped first. Tomorrow is my building’s Thanksgiving dinner, at 3, so I’ll come home first to eat and then…eventually go down to Oregon City for Izzy dog.

VocRehab has me doing four hours a day. five days a week, unpaid, for a "work assessment", to see if I even can work. At first I was like, "that’s BS man, I can work!", but after today, well, I may have to change my mind. I hope that SS comes through soon; I don’t think I’m capable of working like I used to.  Maybe it’s not because I’m 50 that my hair is going gray.  Or, not only because of age.

Nope, this coffee isn’t going to keep me up; it’s nap time.

*****