Community

I do not know much about safe and comfy communities of humans but perhaps for me they best grow out of some of these.

Nature is my community. I want to spend much more time in nature. I need to get another tent, carry it out ilof my car everywhere, maybe live out of a car some of the time.

Music is my community. I just mean sitting with my guitar automatically feels communal. Something akin to community feels destined, at least eventually, to coalesce around it. Taking a flute or a ukelele out into nature, it feels like an even more natural community, but I long for others to share it with. I may be silent except for the notes that come out of my expression.

Language, writing and storytelling might feel like community especially when I am on the road again and creating something and appreciating even the human creatures around me. Of course collaborating in writing and art and music feels like a wonderful environment from which community might sprout but just traveling along alone with my tools of the craft might feel like community too. And one of the best senses of community I get anywhere is in multi-lingual spaces with lots of hysterical laughter about words said in awkward and embarrassing and hilarious ways; and language schools, I think I could find community at the right kind of language school more easily than in the vast majority of places, perhaps partly because there are ways I am more social and real and extroverted when I speak Spanish or whatever but just because therse are places I can be more me the better I get with the language and groups of kind friends studying together are often a match.

I miss chatting with friends who were studying. I was kind of studying maybe but I admit I didn’t alwYs study much though I was always learning something or other. Just a friend working on something kind of grounding and typing to me when they needed a break or wanted to say something to me…. that kind of grounded space for chat with people who feel like they could be fiends (and at that age it was because they were in the same year as you and you were both in school and both cared about the schoolwork you were doing so you could talk about it which maybe grounded some of these conversations snd made them feel like community.

Meditation sangha may be my community and in the ideal, in the Buddha’s conception of it, I suppose it is: a community connected theough such an ancient practice and though the goals of why we meditate vary remarkably differ from each other and other ideas of and ways of relating to the dharma are probably so different for every one of us there is still some kind of a community of intention and the intentions for not causing harm and compassion and loving kindness (and mindfulness) are the qualities that I look for in safe comforting community.

Getting to make and share yummy vegan food when it is appreciated and maybe I can teach or learn something and maybe spread a tummy recipe feels like community, I think, if I do it the right ways. It used to feel like community when I wrote excitedly about vegan food online even though I didn’t get much interaction. I felt like I was contributing to a movement that excited me snd that was full of opportunities for pleasure activism. Maybe I need to cook yummy vegan treats for meditation retreatants because maybe they’re the only ones who will actually experience tasting cookie, biting cookie, chewing cookie, swallowing cookie, washing it down with almond milk. Meditation retreatants kind of taste stuff sometimes. It doesn’t feel like community as much if I am not getting an appreciation of or interaction with the dish itself. Appreciation of the dish I guess defends on context: I could share it at a potluck wnd maybe nobody will mention a thing about it or I can share it as the first offering at a movie marathon party and even if nobody says anything I am glad people are enjoying it.

My sense for the Gothic could be the key to a community of one if I could aesthetically create a space that would convey what that might look like for me as expressed from my soul. It is like holding a guitar perhaps: being cradled in sone sort of space that has an aesthetic and vibe that makes me feel free to experience fear as communal.

The eco-(musico)-Gothic may be a subcommunity all on its own. If I became Lindsay Stirling I would be a community of one.

There must be so many tools for approaching the spiritual quest for true community and I wonder if there are coaches who have been down that journey that can guide people like me down that path. It is just so rare in this culture it seems to find places to sit with people in ways that feel comfortably communal without taking great effort. I wish one coach might be someone who sees me, I have to find someone who s les through all this mess that is me (and I ceetainly do not see myself or my path to get anywhere at all though if something clicked a lot of potential would released so I’d like to find someone who can get a clear intuitive grasp on my blocks that keep me in states of suffering rather than states of grace. What roads do I walk down and what do I play with along the way to find my right community of belonging, my right best friends of belonging, my right soulmate of desire, my right cuddler upper to person when we have that movie marathon.

Yes, we should subscribe to those Quaker publications. Sorry my mind just drifted off to meeting for business… can I find community in a business I could create? Ah, somebody else has to know me better than I know myself and could tell me exactly what that would be. I wish they would tell me! Where do I meet people to just be friends with in a hopefully chill and composed way, where do i find someone to cuddle, how do you start the process when right now you basically know nobody? And what steps would you take if you were me and cuddles was your goal? I. Have. No. Idea. Find some bored Wyomans. No clue. But rather than taking no action l, I want to take action, but if nobody sees me I’m lost when I could be somebody and that really sucks so whete do I find sonebody who sees ke sufficiently to guide me down a path where my day to day living and intentions and places I naturally go like to the mountains and this is going to take a hippie coach, to help me with this, can you meet people in the mountains like might end up being one of ny dreaks tonight? Where would a person like me go to get core of my needs met in a really empowered way so I do not have to settle for being less than everything I am anymore? I know I could have a lot more friends around me but that seems in my state of things to require a procedure, and I in my current state have no idea what that procedure could be. I have to clear out my life and do what I really love and be around places people who pour real truth out of their hearts and put into the air what they are really experiencing. A room full of honesty can be magic. I would have a much higher probability of feeling and being less isolated if I took what flexible strategy of actions and intuitive spontaneous devisions and though I feel like most people i talk to could not begin to trll me how you are supposed to make friends (unless we are in one of those safe spaces where it is easy to talk about such things, but you can’t just sit down at a bus stop and necessarily find that, so where do you go? I am tired of the tired worn out cliched options and I want to engineer a magnificent inspiring way out of all this stuckness in my life into where I could if I knew myself infinitely better and knew the steps to take get out of these dilemmas without fear that these beautiful things are never going to happen for me… surely someone out there can see what would get me unstuck better than I can.

“If you bring forth what is within you, it will save you; if you do not bring forth what is within you, it will destroy you.”

Please universe help me bring forth what is within me… lest I die and be destined to my gothic hut forever.