feeling too bad for words

Today I sinned, oh, God, forgive me, I am so full of trauma and I made a decision today that makes me feel terribly guilty. It has felt like the whole world is against me and I gave up on myself, gave into thoughts I know I shouldn’t be having, and it’s just been the most intensely emotionally painful beyond belief period of my life and I am so afraid but now I feel so so so guilty and it is all mixed up with soooo much trauma and soooo many things that I have no reason in the world to feel guilty for but I feel guilty all the same and guilt for things I didn’t do is being used as a way to tear me apart so how do I separate all these feelings especially given my guilt about an act that feels impure and I feel impossibly guilty about stuff I think I should feel bad about but am innocent of and I don’t know if anyone is going to see me when I am relaxed and my true heart is free to express the truth that gives it peace and I am loved for who I am and not hated because the biggest triggers of my traumatic history still have the capacity to inflict me with horror and they want me to feel like there is no chance left for me in life and I do not know how to resolve any of these feelings…