What’s not working in me right now

This is a list of key developmental arrests in C-PTSD, from Pete Walker’s book Complex PTSD: things we may find not fully developed or not there or arrested. Ever since the recent recapitulation of trauma I am having a decreased capacity to experience every single one of these, it is amazing. They all feel like 1 or 2 or 3 at most on a scale of 1 to 10.

Self-acceptance
Clear sense of identity
Self-Compassion
Self-Protection
Capacity to draw comfort from relationship
Ability to relax
Capacity for full self-expression
Willpower & Motivation
Peace of mind
Self-care
Belief that life is a gift
Self-esteem

I could order these from which ones are strongest in me right now to which ones are weakest… but once you get past the first two or three or so they’re all so far down a hole…

Self-protection
Willpower & Motivation
Self-Compassion
Self-care
Self-acceptance
Self-esteem
Capacity to draw comfort from a relationship
Belief that life is a gift
Clear sense of identity
Capacity for full self-expression
Ability to relax
Peace of mind