Dead Lions

I took Penny outside to do her doggy-business and noticed that it wasn’t a thousand degrees out. Humid, yes, but I didn’t even burn my bare feet on the flagstones. I let the dog inside and went to find Meg. “We should take a walk,” I said.

It was after a rainstorm. A water puddle at the corner of the street reflected the scattered clouds in the sky.
“I’m supposed to walk uneven like this,” Meg said. She walked with her left leg on the street and the other on the curb.
“Is that supposed to jostle the baby out?” I asked.
“I guess so.”
“Old wives’ tale?”
“They’re all old wives’ tales,” Meg moaned, referring to the entire contents of the internet concerning childbirth. She resumed her place next to me on the sidewalk.
“Douglas Adams once said, ‘I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by,’” I said.
“What?” Meg said.
“I love deadlines—” I began.
“That doesn’t make any sense…” Meg said. “Dead lions?”
“Deadlines.”
“Oooh,” Meg said. “I thought you said ‘dead lions.’”
“Oh, no no.”
“That makes more sense. Although when you said it, it sounded like something Douglas Adams would say.”
“Well, anyway, that’s what I think of when I think about Emma’s due date,” I said, trying to get back on track.
 
Emma’s due date was July 3. She’s still inside; she’s apparently content to stay where it’s warm, dark, and soft.

Megan with Baby (Visual Approximation)
Meg gets annoyed at two things. (Well, I’m sure there are more than two, but on this occasion, I’ll narrow the scope.)
The first is when people ask her when she’s going to have the baby already. “You’re still pregnant?”
“It’s not like I’m hording her for myself,” Meg says despondently to me. “Sure, I like being pregnant, but it’s not like I want her in there forever.” She rubs her belly absentmindedly, emphasizing the point.
The second is when people (and by people, I mean mostly me) ask, “Do you feel anything yet? Has anything changed since five minutes ago? Did you just have a contraction? Are you okay? Do we need to go to the hospital yet? How about now?”
 
Before the walk, we sat in the office. Meg had given me the quest to find and queue up some relaxing music for when she was in labor. You know the type: the sound of ocean waves lapping at a picturesque beach while a seagull steals a hot dog, a rainforest full of a million bugs singing and planning how to drain you of your blood, that kind of thing.
Meg propped her right leg on my lap and I ran my fingertips over it while I played through a wide selection. I noticed an interesting trend: in the world of relaxing music, superlatives are king.
Most Relaxing Classics
The Most Relaxing Classical Music in the Universe
The Most Relaxing Guitar Album In The World
The Most Relaxing Harp Album In The World Ever
The Very Best Of Relaxing Piano For Spa 5
The Ultimate Most Relaxing New Age Music in the Universe
The Very Best Of Enya On Panpipes
The Best PANPIPES Album In The World…Ever!
and my  personal favorite:
Ocean Love Music – Best Relax And Sex Music
 
Meg looked up from her iPad and squinted at my screen. “Just how long do you think I’m going to be in labor?”
“You can’t be too prepared.”
I opened The Best PANPIPES Album In The World…Ever! and found four CDs’ worth of music.
“If that was really the best panpipes album in the world, ever, you’d think you could pare it down to one album,” Meg said.
“Maybe they’re just that good?” I wondered. I clicked ona song. It turned out to be Coldplay’s “Trouble”… with panpipes instead of vocals by Chris Martin. I clicked again, this time on “Hero.” Panpipes instead of Enrique Iglesias. Moderately better than Coldplay, but it still left me considering that this may not be the best panpipes album… ever.
I switched over to Ocean Love Music – Best Relax and Sex Music. The first track is Music For Sex – In Your Room. I looked over to Meg. “This doin’ it for you?”
“Oh yeah baby, oh yeah,” Meg answered, not looking up from her iPad.
I skipped down to track 92, Enigma – Dija vu. Now there’s a song I haven’t heard in a while, however misspelled.
“Remember that time we made love to music?” Meg said. “That was nice.”
My mind drifted back to only time, in my apartment, we’d made love to music. “Yeah,” I said, thinking whether it was Enigma or Delerium. Oh yes, I remembered. It was Delerium – Nuages Du Monde.
“It’s weird to think that it’s no longer going to be just us,” Meg said, leaning back in her chair, her belly between the two of us. “Remember when it was just us, before we got Penny?”
“Yeah.”
“Back before we got a dog that we had to walk and take outside and feed… it was just us. We’d snuggle in bed for hours and not have to take care of anything.”
“I’m looking forward to having a baby, though,” I said.
“Oh, I am too,” Meg said. “But it’ll be different.”
I hugged Meg’s leg on my lap. “You’ll always be my best friend.”
“Aw,” she said.