How much?

Our experience of pain and loss sharpens and deepens as we get older (almost in proportion to our ability to bear more.)

Charles Taylor

I wonder if this is really true? Could it be that this is one of those facile, yet profound-sounding generalizations that we read or hear and initially think must be true because it sounds true?

Could it be that the opposite is really true? That our experience of pain and loss lessens and diminishes in intensity as we get older because we have, paradoxically, been able to bear so much more adversity and misfortune? Is it a survival mechanism to become gradually more steeled to loss and strong emotion?

When we’re young we were hit hard with the traumas of life because we were not used to them — they were unfamiliar and thus shocking because of the fear and anxiety that the unknown can provoke. We didn’t know what hit us, in other words. There was nothing to judge the situation by from past experience. So in our youth, life is confronted head on, with raw energy and emotion and not as often with intelligence and maturity.

What is it like to gradually lose this capacity for deep, almost incapacitating, feeling and emotion? Is is a mark of maturity and strength, or a significant change in our personality?

(Why I am pondering these weighty matters on this late night in July, I don’t quite know.)

I’m not saying we become less sensitive. We just don’t let hardship, or other people’s meanness or evil overcome us and weigh us down, as we once might have. We have become equipped with knowledge of ourselves and others and of certain principles and truths that govern the moral order of the universe. The Greeks knew this. The great religions of the world teach it.

We can bear more suffering not because our experience of pain and loss has sharpened with age, but because we are knowledgeable about suffering — that of ourselves and others.

I think perhaps that suffering is born by each of us in our own ways. I am not sure age has alot to do with it but your entry is thought provoking. ~Peace~

Mns

caught this entry on the front page… interesting thoughts here… i agree with your other noter, it’s probably more of an individual thing? maybe combining personality, experience, etc.

Perhaps we begin to know how unproductive it is to take things personally. We develop a more universal perspective – commonalities become more important than differences. Compassion can’t help but follow.

Interesting. I think we do feel the pain as much or more. But we no longer sweat the small stuff, and hopefully as we gain some wisdom we are able to avoid some of the most painful roads we might have taken before.

ok, my observations support this, but also that it’s the sharp unexpected corners of pain that can catch us, unsuspecting as we gain endurance–must be most memorable of all. Thanks for your notes while I was not reading

cont: most appreciated. I like these philosophical entries this July–they suggest a rested mind, ready to open and grapple with the energies of life. Like the picture of you sitting in that chair every night–no

meant to say, no folly in that.

Bramble

July 14, 2000

When I was young, I was blithefully unconcerned with other’s problems and sufferings. I know that my own caring and impathy has grown with age.

I agree with Bramble. As I grow older, life and love become more precious and the loss of either hurts terribly. When younger, it slid off me easily,now I dwell on it more.

This is incredible. I’ve been going over this subject for so long. You’ve put it in the perfect words. I think that is what it is…we survive.

i think we become more aware of everything as we grow older…great entry, makes one really think…smiles and hugs…

I think it boils down to heightened awareness and the ability to keep it all in perspective. Thanks for stirring the thinking pot.

Yes, I think you understand and explain it beautifully. And also this: “Nothing happens to us which we were not formed by nature to bear.” (Marcus Aurelius)

Do I hurt less now then I used to? I am not sure. I do know I cried more over the untimely death of my cat when I was 13 then I cried the day my mother died. But that was just my outward expression of pain not

an indication of the actual pain I felt. If anything, I am more cautious about grieving. I do agree, that my awareness of other’s grief has changed my own reactions. Very thought provoking.

Seems to me that with age, grief is more silent and much deeper.

Amanda Cayhill

July 21, 2000

I’m so glad you think NOT to agree with the Charles Taylor’s quote. I couldn’t agree with you more. As we mature we learn to embrace life and not to let the fears of the unknown keep us as children.

Interesting entry. I think about this sometimes. I think “getting older” has changed a lot of my views on things. I think, like one of your other notes, it has to do with not letting the small stuff matter as much.

Edelweis

March 29, 2002

Indeed, we don’t let other people’s meanness or evil overcome us and weigh us down. That’s how I experience this. And I think our age and past experiences of pain and loss make us stronger to cope with new dramas in our life. I had rivers full with tears, now there’s maybe only a little creek left, and it’s not that we become less sensitive. Pain and loss sit even much deeper inside our soul now

outward emotion is maybe not as strong as in the past, but inside it can be even worse! This entry gives me much thinking! A good end for my day!Hope your saturday will be fine! Take care,