Oswego

August 1, 2000

Paying attention

If we are not happy, if we are not peaceful, we cannot share peace and happiness with others, even those we love, even those who live under the same roof. If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.

Thich Nhat Hanh

I think one of the reasons for our lack of happiness in this harried new millennium is the fact that we do not pay attention to the world around us, and to the people — friends and strangers — we see daily. I mean “really” paying attention. Mindfulness, it is sometimes referred to. By that I mean looking intently at the sky and clouds on a beautiful afternoon. Deeply feeling the warmth on a nice summer day rather than anticipating dreading it. Realizing that if we care to, we can lift the gauzy film that covers the world and actually see it in its purity and clarity. Is that too much an act of the imagination?

By paying attention I also mean looking at people when you’re speaking to them, or even merely saying hello in passing. I was reminded of this rather forcefully the other morning at work when I passed a co-worker, as I have umteenth times in the past. “Hey, how are you?” came out as usual, rather perfunctorally. “How are YOU?” he replied, and he made a point of looking at me intently once I had noticed that maybe something should be done differently, and maybe I should slow down for a nanosecond and notice this person. That just perhaps, I should actually look to see who this “stranger” is that I am talking to. And then he smiled a nice smile, nothing forced or fake, and I sheepishly could do nothing but respond in kind. Mindfulness.

Now I’m not talking about fake friendliness. The kind that grates on you and makes you want to turn around and run in the other direction. The kind of response that goes like thiis: “Hi, how are you?” And the reply is: “Super. Just great.”

Or “I’m doing JUST GREAT.” No, “how are you?” in response. Just ME, ME, ME. I know someone who did this, a superviser’s superviser, who must have flunked every “How to win friends and influence people” course he ever took. And I feel sure he was a big believer in motivational courses. Dress for success. Nobody’s going to do it but YOU! Motivate, motivate. Be cheerful. Be upbeat, by golly because I am. See… Blah, blah.

I have a tendency to rush through my mornings at work, doing a lot of talking to people, but maybe not doing so much real listening. I like to think I’m pretty “up” for the day, relatively happy. But there is always that other half of me that is covering up various feelings of anger, hurt, or dissatisfaction with myself. Or that side of me that is indifferent. Pleasant, but not too caring about what is really going on. Ever notice how the people who seem to be at peace with themselves, or as much as that is possible in this life, are the ones who are not so much interested in what “they” have to say, but rather in what “you” have to say. And they look you in the eye and they listen. It’s a rare thing today. Most of us pay lip service to attentiveness. We change the subject a thousand times during the course of a day.

That other half of my life, though, is when I am not around people at work, or elsewhere, and can get away to a quiet place in the country or retreat to the ocean and have my thoughts to myself. It is where I don’t have to be friendly or say anything. I like this, and yet I don’t. There can be too much of this. It’s at times like that when the gulf between these two very different sides of my life are most apparent. Am I most happy when alone and not having to deal with others, or do I think deep down that it really shouldn’t be this way — that the two poles of my life, the gregarious, social being and the man who spends so much time alone, should really be in opposition?

A simple smile can make the loneliest, emptiest day dissolve into something akin to what real happiness must be like.

Shaking hands at church one Sunday, a man grabbed my hand and said,”I’m Fuzzy.” I said, “I’m Quill.” I proceeded on. He grabbed my hand again and said, “I’m Fuzzy.” And his eyes filled with tears. Fuzzy was losing …

his wife to cancer and he was hurting. I have been his friend and he to me ever since. What a wonderful friendship I almost missed! Great entry! Love,

+smiling+ Great entry, Oswego. A very good message that needs to be gotten across to so many people. The quote is wonderful.

As always, Oswego, the time I come to this diary always makes me look at things differently and I always feel better. This is a beautiful entry, my friend, and so worth posting. Love

When you exchange words with someone who really hears you and whom you really see, the rest of the day seems brighter. There needs to be balance; time to be alone, and time to be with people.

Yes – to be seen – we all long for that. Listen to me, understand what I’m saying when I’m silent, meet my needs. Se ME. If you have something to give, give it.

Everybody need time alone. But I believe that human beings are not an island. Take care my friend!

Amanda Cayhill

August 2, 2000

Wishing you many real smiles, and soul searching eyes

reminds me of the song by joshua kadison, “here i am”..i even wrote an entry about it i think *grin* ..btw hi, im LuAnn

Bramble

August 3, 2000

You have given me some food for thought.

Regardless of how introverted one may be, we are still, by birth, social creatures. We can not live for the first severals years of our life without other people, and in reality I don’t beleive we are to

live any part of our lives completely alone. The difficult part is the balancing act. I tend to go the other way, I am often too social and don’t give myself the alone time that I know I really need.

Every one of your entries, most especially this one, reminds me that the quality of one’s life may very well be directly related to one’s ability to practice “mindfulnss.” For that reminder, I am

grateful. As for connecting with other people, really connecting, do few people seem to even want that. Finding the ones that do is the trick. Good luck.

Many people seem to not care how ‘you’ really are. Only how they are or how they want to be. OH gee, I can go on on this. But we need to care about how we are.

i wish i could say yes there is a way to balance the two-but sometimes its not always possible.

I really need to proof my notes before I click. Sorry.

I read THE MIRACLE OF MINDFULNESS a few years ago and was very impressed. I have PEACE IS EVERY STEP around here somewhere. I have the same characteristic you do: I’m very social, able to talk to almost anyone. cont.

I really listen (most of the time) and it often drains me. I’m an introvert at heart, and I am more at ease and relaxed alone. Yet, I’ll still strike up conversations I could’ve left… puzzling!

Once again Oswego focuses on a detail – mindfulness – that, when placed under his “life microscope”, takes on the importance it deserves. More food for thought from one of my favorite armchair philosophers!

Willy & Wilma

August 4, 2000

Have noticed that “eye contact” with people that was a normal thing long ago has almost disappeared!

i was talking about this to my dad the other day. not enough people are conscious, they daydream through life without paying attention or appreciating. i think everyone’s guilty of this at times. wonderful entry!

HarpHill (2)

August 6, 2000

The renegade in me bristles when I`m asked how I am! I may not want to admit I dont feel up to par. A sweeter greetng of good morning or good afternoon brings up a big smile.

wanderlust (2)

August 8, 2000

Hi O, Here’s me smiling at you :^) Mindfullness is an art to be practiced daily. Good things come to those who wait & look, think & feel.

Edelweis

April 3, 2002

What you say here is so very true! I have copied the quote on top. Will look for a place to hang it here somewhere. And your last sentence is so beautiful. we have quite a different way of greeting, and How are you? here, means we want to listen. One of my FreeOD friends wrote an entry about it, and I think you should read that to understand our way of acting after this question!

She is married to an American, and tells her experience with a nice sense of humor! So, if you want, go to Liliya on FreeOD and read her entry: How are you? of 4/10/2001 Take care, night nigth,