dispensable being

i was stressed. i usually am.

today could be like x2 of the usual stress I feel.

i changed how i do things. i dont know why. i could be really depressed at the moment as i masturbated teary eyed, sounds insane. maybe, i am. this mix of emotions is killing me, i feel like my lungs are punctured.

when i said i changed how i do things, at least for today, i did not use the AC system, i opened the window, listening to somewhat calming sound of dripping water from the drizzle.

I also turned the lights completely, i usually dont, i either dim it or still have one good source of light.

it is dark, there are tiny blue and red lights from some parts of the room, a gadget charging light, an extension cord light. Somehow, this entertained me for a bit.

i guess we are just like those lights. we function, but that doesn’t mean we are fully noticed, or vital for one specific thing to fully operate. Aren’t we all dispensable